No Longer Estranged from You

It took me, over the span of my ENTIRE life, to finally overcome, the FACT, that you’d, abandoned me when I’d needed you the most, and I’m still, NOWHERE NEAR the vicinity of forgiving you, even AS you lay there, on your deathbed!

But, something inside is urging me, NO, forcing me, to forgive you, for abandoning me when I’d needed you the most, and the more I’d, tried to ignore that voice, the more, it’d, gnawed at me, until, I’d, finally, DONE something about it, came to see you…

You were, lying, on that hospital bed, surrounded by, bouquets of flowers that people who’d come to see you had brought, and I’d, arrived, with NOTHING in my hand! And, I walked next to your bed, sat myself down, you were, already, in a semi-comatose state, and I wouldn’t know, if you’d known, that, I’d, finally, made my way there or not.

Next to you, I sat myself down, I looked at your face: how weathered it’d become, so unlike how I’d remembered you from way, way, WAY back when. Then, I’d, started, flipping through ALL of the memories we’d ever shared, which weren’t that many, because you’d been gone from me, since I was a young child…

This  might be your LAST chance to say what you want to say to the person!  Not my photograph…

And, in those moments when I’d, sorted through my own memories, something, seemed to, have made us closer, I don’t know, it’s, hard to explain, but, I found myself, weeping by your side like a baby, and, I’d NEVER cried as hard as I had like that before, and, it’d, started me. I guess, it’s the thought, of how, I am, about, to be, a REAL “orphan” now! What I didn’t understand was: why the thought of you dying was so difficult for me to handle, I mean, after all, you were, NEVER there, by my side when I was growing up, and, I might have, sat down next to the bed of some RANDOM stranger at a hospital………

And, from that moment on, I no longer felt estranged from you, and, for the very first time in my life, I felt, I belonged, to someone, you, my mother! I’d tried, holding on tightly, to that feeling of belonging to someone, that feeling of being wanted and loved.

photo from online…

Then, the next thing I knew, the nurses came rushing in, with a doctor or two, or three, they’d, pulled the separating drapes between us, and, it all happened, so very, quickly, I’d just, found my mother, and I’m, about, to lose her, all over again…


About taurusingemini

All I have to say, I've already said it, and, let's just say, that I'm someone who's ENDURED through a TON of losses in my life, and I still made it to the very top of MY game here, TADA!!!
This entry was posted in Death in the Family, Experiences of Life, Lessons of Life, On Life & Death, Overcoming Obstacles in Life, Positives of Life, Properties of Life, the Consequences of Life, the Process of Life, The Trials of Life, Values of Life and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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