Experiences in life, translated…
Recently, there was, a member of the community who didn’t see fitting that a mother allowed her child to wear a sleeveless top going outside in the cold weathers, he’d taken a photo and posted it on the Groups in Facebook, and the story was reported on by the news media, and, it’d gotten the public angered at how uncaring the mother was, until the mother in the story came out in front of the press, and stated, “I respect my child’s choices”, then, there came, the multitude of various thoughts and opinions on the matter. Including criticisms for the person who’d posted the photo first, the varied methods of raising children, and what constitutes as rights of children and other sorts of discussions.
Naturally, there are those, discussions on “how there are things that the outside world didn’t know in the forefront of childrearing”—this sort of comments leaned toward how the parents were misunderstood, mostly.
This time, I’d wanted to tell you a story of how I was reported to the cops by a neighbor.
When Mimi Chou was three-and-a-half years-old, one day I had a serious cold, ran a fever, headache, vomiting, an assortment of cold symptoms you can think of. Mimi Chou, who’d never seen mommy like this became completely insecure about it! Begged and pleaded with me, to hold her in my arms. But, because I was worried that I may pass this bad cold to her, I’d told her no; and, for this, Mimi Chou started crying, and threw a temper tantrum. I was already having a huge headache then, I couldn’t take it anymore, so, I’d told her, “Mommy needs to rest in the other room, I’ll wait until you’d calmed back down, then, I’ll come out and be with you.” Then, I’d, headed into the next room, and locked up the door behind me.
Back then, it was, already 12:30 at night, and, Mimi Chou had screamed, and cried, and smacked on the doors hard, it took her very long, to finally calm back down, and, we could finally, rest, the both of us. The very next day, the neighbors from downstairs asked me, “Your daughter seemed a bit raucous last night?”, I’d apologized to her, “I’m sorry, if she’d gotten a bit too loud.”, and that, was when she’d told me, that another neighbor had, called the police to report me.
This time, I’m, in SHOCK, I’d told her, “But the police didn’t knock on my doors!”, the neighbor told me, that the police came, and saw that the lights were off, and so, they’d, left again. I’d asked her again, “How can they, just take a look, and then leave, if everything’s quieted, it can mean, that I’d, beaten my own child to death!”, my neighbor just, shrugged it off.
Later, as I’d recalled this, and felt, a mixture of emotions. On the one hand, I’d felt awful about disturbing the neighbors, and on the other, I’d felt, hurt, that “I was already, seriously ill, needing to raise my daughter all alone, do you all know, that I’m, doing, the best I can?”
Normally, as people hear children crying, they would automatically think that the child is being abused or getting scolded, without knowing, that in order to find ways to reasons with the children, the parents is doing it on a trial-by-error basis, and, it may cause the child to throw an even longer temper tantrum, that the kids may behave even MORE rashly. But, what was most unacceptable to me was, how the police handled the matter, how can they NOT knock on my doors? What if, I was, really, abusing my own daughter?
On a certain level, I can understand, that people may become distrustful toward police or social workers; there were, those cases of child abuse, that can make us, lose faith in the authorities. And as my work with NGO on handling of domestic violence and child abuse, I can see, so many cases that needed the immediate attention, but, due to the privacy clause, they won’t get reported by the press media.
What I wanted to say, that the people reporting on the matter usually had that belief that they’re acting out of a sense of justice, hoped, that those who’d done wrong gets their punishments, but this sort of sense of justice that stemmed out of anger, is just to fulfill the satisfactions of one’s own false sense of justice; if the child is really being abused, s/he needed more, is NOT the scolding of the parents, but a more realistic form of assistance.
So, this brings out something very important, what we perceive is justice, may NOT be anywhere NEAR the realms of being right, because we ALWAYS put in our own interpretations when we view the things that presented themselves to us, and sometimes, as parents are disciplining their young, they may get, a little too loud, and, it can sound like abuse to the outside world, and, this case shows us, that unless you are, a directly involved “party” to the events, you really can’t say that you know EVERYTHING there is to know about the certain situations.