The lessons learned by a mom, translated…
A week after school started, because the teacher’s notes on the assignment books, I’d found out, that Mimi Chou didn’t finish his homework assignments during the winter break.
My first reaction was getting angry, then, I’d blamed myself, this, is probably a classic response: angered at why my child had lied, and blamed myself for not making sure the assignments were done. But, wait, something wasn’t, quite right here.
I’d recalled how back when I was in the elementary years, I’d never fallen below third placement in my classes, felt that doing what was told by the teacher and my parents was matter-of-fact, even until I got older, mom once told me apologetically, “Because no matter our demands, you could always, fulfill them, so, I’d asked of you again, and again, and again, and sometimes, I’d wondered where MY bottom line was.”
So, a decade ago, after I broke up with someone, when I fell into severe depression, my mother blamed herself. Once she’d hugged me and apologized, “Because I was too strict with you, so you’d learned, to not forgive yourself.” But I know, that this, was a source of my perfectionism in personality. Back then, I’d thought, if I ever have a child, I will never treat her like that.
My mother is the classic tiger mom who’d focused hard, on educating me, I’d envied the kids in the neighborhood that had the chance to head out to play after school, while I’d spent so much time on the piano, practicing. And kept getting yelled at by my mother, and yet, when she’d talked about me with others, she’d had nothing but good things to say, and so, I’d become chaotic on the inside, “Mom, am I good, or am I awful?”, or I’d gotten demanded to live up to my daily practices, and grilled on the issues of chastity.
I’d needed to admit, that I’m like a lot of the parents in my generation, “going completely opposite” of how my parents raised me; I’d hoped to use more praise instead of blames to have my child see the better quality in herself, to discuss, instead of order her to learn the right values, to give her a ton of trust, without the prodding, I hope that my child learns to become independent, not because she feels compelled, to make the adults pleased with her.
After elementary school, because Mimi Chou started on the afterschool learning programs at school, by the time she comes back home, she’d finished up all her assignments, plus, I’d not wanted to spend the precious time on reteaching, and most of the free time during the evenings, we’d spent, reading, playing with toys. I’d only asked her, “did you finish your homework already?”, and once I’d gotten the affirmative, signed her assignment book, so long there’s no demands made by the instructor, I wouldn’t demand of my child; even as she’d made bad grades on the exams, I’d still believed that learning a wide variety of things is more important than practicing the same skills over, and over again.
And so, as the schools started for a week, the teacher wrote me on how my child didn’t finish her assignment over the holidays, it got me thinking, that there’s still, a lot of adjustments needed between the trusts of the parents, the kids being able to take responsibilities for themselves. And my friend also reminded me, “Mimi isn’t you, she’d never had too much asked of her.”
Yeah, everybody is unique, and, you can’t interact with everybody using the exact same measures, and applied what worked on you, onto others. I’d told Mimi, “I’m sorry, because you’d broken my trust, from here on out, I will start, checking your homework every single night.”
So, this mother realized how one-size does NOT fit all, that because she was kept on a tight leash by her own mother when she was younger, now she’s raising her own daughter using a more lenient method, kind of a making up for what she felt she couldn’t have in her younger years, and then, she’d realized, that every child is different, that one set of rules don’t fit ALL children right, and she’s going to, make adjustment on how she will now, look at her own child’s homework assignments from here on out.
Life, the Obstacle Course 