The words of a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, from a Chinese online blog, translated by me…
Memory loss is a common symptom of trauma, and this sort of a result often occurred on me too. A lot of people had, forgotten about their own traumas in their childhood years growing up, only to find its calling, twenty, thirty some years later. This would be, the calls from our hearts, telling us, to cope with what had happened to us as children.
Before we can effectively cope with the traumas of our pasts, we must, first, understand how it works, and what symptoms it had, left behind in us. As we face our trials, our bodies would produce adrenaline. Those who’d had similar experiences, would have some sort of a special feeling that remained in their systems. For instance, you feel, so full of power, that you’re, about to, lift off into the air, or how you felt, that things had become, slowed down quite a lot in your lives all of a sudden, like in the movies. You may experience the heightened sense of awareness, to the perceptions in these moments of your crises too. For those who’d experienced this, it is, truly difficult, for the individuals, to forget this experience of memories in the senses and feelings.
In the cases of child abuse, there would be constant conflicts, experienced with time. Being in a heightened state of crisis all the time, the individual’s internal systems will become overload, and eventually leading to, the breakdown at the end of the process. In the crumbling down of one’s own external environments, the so-called, “normal” connections you have with the world, lost their, original meanings. Most people can maintain an intimate interactions with their own parents, but, for the children who were sexually, physically abused and neglected, the child would need to, come up with a way to survive, under these, trying circumstances. This, is NEVER the child’s fault, it’s always, the adults’. But, most of the time, it’s the children, who are left, with the consequences of what their adult counterparts did to them, instead of the adults who’d hurt them. This, is the cruelest part of trauma. There is, an end to the traumatic experience but, for the victims, the memories of being traumatized will keep, playing over, and over, and over again.
Although, the scars from the psychological abuses aren’t visible like in sexual and physical abuses, but they can still cause, long-term effects on the body. A lot of people would start having the unexplained psychosomatic symptoms, such as headaches, allergies, stomach troubles, or experience troubles with the immune systems. Some would have nightmares, and feel troubled, by the recurring nightmares they are constantly having. Some would experience symptoms of chaotic state of memory, memory loss. Carl Jung stated, that our psyche is the concrete forms of our selves, this had, comforted me, because he affirmed the existences of these injuries. Even though, we don’t see these injuries daily, but, they’re, plaguing us, in our daily lives.
In cases of child abuse, we can separate the cases into three major areas: rape, sexual deprivations, and violence. There are, however, covert forms of abuse, such as neglect and emotional abuse. A lot of children who were abused, usually endured through more than one form of these abuses, s/he may be sexually abused, and, needed to cope with the threats of violence, and were starved physically often too. Or maybe, the child would be lacking NOTHING in material, but, nobody knows, the abuse s/he had, endured through.
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Facing the abuse, the children are, very lonely, they couldn’t, change how cruel the immediate environment is, and in the end, they can only, alter their insides, attempting to, separate themselves, from the painful experiences, or, through forgetting, took it as matter-of-fact and natural, this, is the pain that will follow them their whole lives.
Emotional developments are the core of child development, it’s also, the core, of children’s minds’ development. The way a normal brain worked, is through receiving the signals from the senses, and, incorporate the experiences into feelings, then, cognition. But for children of trauma, toward the incarcerations, the threats, the fears, and intimidations that’s threatened their lives, they would be forced, to live, in certain sorts of mental/psychological seclusion. Some unknown signals may trigger their trauma responses. Understanding these aftermaths of the traumas of the younger years, can help others understand, what sort of a mindset the victims were living in at the time.
Lastly, I would, recommend, to the friends who are, injured in their younger years to seek out help actively. In the various circumstances, there would be, differences of assistance needed. Whether it be calling up the domestic violence help hotlines, seeking out professional medical assistance, don’t be afraid to try them all out. I’d found my salvation through writing. There’s this need for continuity and persistence in my methodology, but it helps us, sort through the incongruities of our emotions, to let those once-suppressed feelings, words, flow out freely, and, making new connections. The hurt would often get trapped in the vicious cycle of one’s own life: for instance, knowing, that beating a child up is wrong, but, the individual may rationalize beating her/his own young as viewing it as disciplining the offspring. We must, face up to these double-standards of our own lives, so we can, effectively, cope with the pains that comes with this sort of incongruences. The verbal sharing of your experiences with someone, and hearing others share their experiences of trauma helps, saying it again, hearing oneself state what happened, with someone else, bearing witness, and giving validations of what you’d experienced when you were younger, it can, help you, face with these undealt with fears as well as the pains of your own experiences. Writing can have the same effects, as you read through what you’d written down, the stimuli from the senses will, trigger your mind, to cope with the fears of your own pasts, give you a new chance, to unify your experiences. Although the pain is excruciating, but we DO have what it takes, to make ourselves heal back up.
This is, spoken, by a man who’d been raped by his nanny and her family from when he was younger, and, although he’d told his mother, and other adults whom he thought he could trust about it, they’d called him a liar, and, after years of living with the lost memories of his own childhood sexual abuse, he was able to, finally, get EVERYTHING out into the open, with the help of his wife, who has a background in social work…
Life, the Obstacle Course 