Call this, a philosophy of finding the one if you wish to, translated…
I’d recalled how a friend openly professed to his newly wedded wife on their wedding: I can’t guarantee that I will love you for a lifetime, nobody knows what’s to happen in the futures; but I will give you this, so long as I’m your husband, I will, take responsibilities for love, and I won’t do anything to betray you. And honestly, this was, the most honest wedding vow I’d ever heard………
Over a decade ago, right after I’d just, graduated university, a girl I’d known, got married to an older schoolmate who’d gone to the U.S. to pursue a higher degree, no more than just six months of dating, they’d, gone in front of a judge and had it become official.
Back then, we were probably twenty-one, or twenty-two years old, that, was the very first time I’d experienced what it meant, to go from “boyfriend/girlfriend” to “spouses”, and, we’d, turned the term of “marriage”, from our long-term objectives to a reality.
And when I’d asked why, she’d given me a straight up answer: first, she felt I was a good man she could marry, secondly, because she’d wanted to get her F2 accompanying visa to go abroad. Was it, too, risky? She’d, smiled it off, wouldn’t it be a gamble, NO matter who she marries?
After five, six months after she’d gone to the States, the term of “Graduates-Married Couple” became the it thing. Up until that time, I’d finally, started contemplating her discovered early wisdom of marrying me.
After a few more years, I’d gone to London on a business trip, I’d found the chance, to go and visit a friend of mine. Back then, she just got married, it was, a male classmate from Canton from her master’s courses. Back then, the entire continent of Europe was draped over by the European debt crisis and, the English Channel couldn’t ward off the economic crises. We’d dined out at a unpopulated restaurant in Chinatown, I’d watched them interact, it felt like they were conducting business with each other, there’s absolutely, NO sense of personal relations, there wasn’t, any sign that they were on their honeymoon at all. In the end, the guy mentioned something to help them save up some money—why not, use the advantage of the sales, and buy up some more of the items, and, the girl objected to this idea by falling silent.
After that, she’d admitted to me, that we weren’t each other’s favorite types. His good qualities include he knew how to keep his budget, as for character flaw, being too calculating, nickeling and diming every last cent. She’d smiled it off, there’s no other way around it, that is the social circle they’d kept, and, two people living together beats living alone.
And, by chance, as the female classmate who’d moved to the States told me of her marriage, she’d said something similar too: if I’d stayed in Taiwan, I’m pretty sure, he wouldn’t have chosen me, and I probably, wouldn’t choose him either.
And, I’d, literarily, made their union into a modern-day version of “Love in a Fallen City”: “in this era of instability, there’s, no place for individualism, but, there’s a place, for an ordinary pair of husband and wife.”
Actually, there’s a prelude to this line, “They’d seen through each other. And, with that moment of completely understanding each other, and yet, this moment that’s so temporary can, keep the two of them together, living harmoniously with each other.”
It’s like Romain Rolland stated, “There’s only ONE form of heroism: seeing this world clearly, then, love it. And, there are rarely anybody, who would wonder, HOW can this be heroism.
Because of how hard it truly is. Especially when we were young, it’s, very easy, for us, to zoom in on the faults of this world, someone else’s weaknesses, and, contempt is easier than understanding.not my photo…
For the few years that followed, the couples who were so very much in love from before, starting having fires in their separate backyards, gotten really deep in something they didn’t want to have happened to them. But, for these two pairs of “ordinary husband and wife” who’d run toward marriage from the start, they’d sailed through their lives together peacefully thus far, set up their home, established themselves in their careers, and, had children, everything WAS right on track for them.
I’d slowly found, that perhaps, these two families functioned so well, not because of the drives of that original love the two individuals felt toward one another.
Love and marriage, are like a computer with TWO operating systems installed: maybe, some of the programs are similar, but, they’d, operated differently, and, they were installed in different places from the very start; the former was “feeling” based, the latter followed the rules of a “contract” (for instance, procreation, taking care of each other’s aging parents). I love you, I can’t overlook anything awful about you, to overlook ANYTHING you did wrong, and yet, once you and I were wed, we’d needed, to work together using a very high level of adjustment to one another, and the ability, to execute all the needed functions in our lives, our family unit.
When “love” speeds up, it felt like that rush, but, the temperature to which the system operated on would overheat, and, the stability of the system can cause many worries; while “marriage” is better in helping the users set up the “cohesiveness”, but, the “system” is very outdated, and, you may get too bored, and too impatient with it. And, the good thing about having the “dual-processes” is, that in case one of you cracked, there’s still a chance, that things may still work out, so long as the other one of you stayed calm.
photo from online…
As for whether or not this “dual-system” can be installed, it’s reliant on the two individuals’ separate life experiences, the beliefs, the habits, the maturity and flexibilities of all of these “software” programs, and, it also relies on the basis of your shared economics, your life plans, and whether or not the hardware is going to be able to support all of that. In general, it’s based on how “suited” the two of you are to one another.
And this, is the wisdom that someone had, gained, from her marriage, and, she’s right, because at the moment you’d only relied on the passions, is there, that attraction factor, and if so, the two of you get together, and yet, after the two of you wed, your ways of relating to each other can’t run on solely just passion, because, there is the reality waiting at the door, and, if one of you can’t cope with the reality, then, your marriages become, lopsided, and eventually the two of you will break up for whatever reasons (money, differences of beliefs, affairs, etc., etc., etc.), and, marriage is, really HARD work, as it relied MORE on just passion, you must also have the commitments to one another, along with several OTHER factors to make it all work!