The Jigsaw Family

An alternative perspective on what composes a “family”, translated…

During the New Year’s holidays, my good friend and I drove the van out, with my elderly mother, and her ten-year-old niece in the backseat, we’d gone on this trip to the countryside, the four of us ate and slept together.

In Recent years, there’s not that celebratory atmosphere around the New Year’s anymore, the kids who are on their own all had separate plans, no longer did they, return home to visit mom as they used to. The pent up emotions couldn’t find an effective outlet, the elderly seemed, a bit loss and lonely, I’d suggested, “instead of waiting for the kids to visit around the holidays, why not, give ourselves our own holidays instead.”, and packed all the foods we were supposed to have for New Year’s Eve, took mom on a small trip to Yunlin, Changhwa, for a mini-trip, to get touched by that personable feel of the locals.

related by blood…not my photograph…

Hearing the roosters crow is a norm when we lived in the country, but, I was usually waken up by the sound of the hoe hitting the land, turns out, that it was mom, waking up at four, five in the morn, to till up the land, to pull up the weeds of her field. “Moving around, made my body feel comfortable, the air flowed smoothly throughout my body now,” the elderly stated, gloatingly, then, started, preparing the meals for the whole family, and afterwards, we’d gone out to see the sights, and to the friends’ and relatives’ places for a short visit.

My good friend had lost her mother many years ago, and was very close to my family, she became very comfortable, becoming another member of my family too, living under the same roof, we’d become synchronized. My niece was very slim, just like me, and since she was younger, she was, very close to me, closer than my own siblings children toward me; for this holiday, rather than staying at home, watching television, I’d taken her out into the fields, taught her about the various plants, help pull up the weeds, and, identified the insects with her, get some sun on us all.

not my picture…

From time to time, we’d trekked into the markets to buy the fish, the meats, and, called out the vegetables by their names, mom walks in front, picking the produces, and, haggling with the vendors on lowering the prices, while my niece clung onto my shirt sleeves, and would, pull out the bills from my wallets, learned the basic subtractions and made the changes, the vendors who’d not known any better often mistaken the three of us as mothers and daughters.

After we ate, we’d visited the families in the countryside, the households only had the elderly and the cats and dogs remaining, we’d taken turns to visit various places, my niece gained a grandma here, a grandpa there, her childish innocence had added more fun to this ordinariness of life, and, my mother had, urged her to practice the usages of the idioms she’d learned. My friend who saw us, laughed and congratulated, “Congrats! On your family getting back together again!”, we’d smiled and returned, “Three generations all very active!”

I looked at the scene before me, pulled my thoughts away, and all of a sudden, I’d gotten that sense, of the combination, the makeup of a family, is so much so like the jigsaw puzzle; even IF you’d lost a piece here, you will find another piece to make up for what’s missing here at another place; that the families don’t necessarily need to be blood-related, but, is built upon that connection, that love that’s shared, to make the warmth that flowed real.

And, the words of a master on the “makeup of modern day families” came to mind. He’d said that he’d gone to practice Buddhism for many years, and, his parents were, no longer alive, he’d become, detached to his siblings, but, those monks whom he lived with, understood one another well, looked after each other, they are, his, real families; and, although in cases of emergency, we’d needed to, get bogged down with the measures of the law, and, we’d needed to, rely on those “blood-related strangers” to make those decisions for us, or to give them our assets too, it’s really, awful, and ironic.

close friends who’d become like sisters, photo from online…

Surely, the ages and environments are changing currently, on the discussion of “home”, how many possible combinations can there be? Let’s just, look at this matter, with an open mind, and, keep our minds open, to the real meanings of “family” and “relatives”.

So, this, is one woman’s understanding of WHAT family composed of, and, she’s right, in that those who are close to us, whom we loved, should BE considered as family, even IF we’re NOT related by blood, but, the law defines family as those who are related to us by blood, and, that, is why there are so many problems caused by this strict definition of “family” right now in this world that we currently live in.