Translated…
Why can’t I learn to speak Mandarin? Why? Yeah! I do, know some Mandarin, but, the beautiful characters? My mostly revered and feared characters, they’d always, slipped away like the eels of my mind, I just, can’t remember them! Even my own name, such a shame, oh, I’m, so ashamed!
Thanks for Google Translate, I need to, worship her, she’d, helped me resolve this, boredom I have, living here.
You’d translated before? Let’s say, from Spanish to English, wow, that’s, so amazing, but, you wouldn’t realize, that Google Translate was the one, doing ALL the work. But, unluckily, I’d learned Chinese this way, every time, it’d, become, too difficult, for me, to understand, what the characters were, from within the chaos, you can’t recognize, that it, is, in English at all. No matter what you’d called this result, it’d, always, made me laugh. It’s also, my best way, to, resolve, this boredom of mine, and, it works quite well too, every time before I’d opened up my e-mail in Chinese from Google Translate, I’d started laughing.
Until last Monday, when I’d received an e-mail from my dear mother-in-law—oh, it’s, my EX mother-in-law—because, Vera and I had, already, split up, as I was laughing, as I’d, started using Google Translate, she—she—important notice: She—had died—my, my! A lot of people died in the news, some had died, on FB, but this, was the very first encounter of death I’d had, on Google Translate, and, she was, my ex-wife, can I, believe the factuality of Google Translate? Or maybe, this isn’t, the heaviest sort of news but, a most important one. In the characters for “important”, there’s a character that means “weighty” isn’t it? Isn’t Google Translate very good with metaphors? Maybe, Vera had not “passed away”, she’d just, “passed” an exam?
No! She’d been ill recently, Google Translate wouldn’t lie to me on this sort of a thing, at least, “Vera” means “real” in Latin. I can, no longer laugh anymore………unfortunately, I can’t, fake my sorrows, toward something, I feel, absolutely, NO sorrows towards. Dearest Vera………she is now, a deceased ex of mine, I don’t’ want to, slander the memories of her, but, she’d still, owed me some money, although, with a heavy heart, I’d still, decided, to go and comfort her mother.
Guess who answered the door when I arrived? It’s, VERA! I am, speechless now, I stood there, dumbfounded, for, several seconds.
“Didn’t you already……”, I’d, stuttered, “die………?”
“I do not wish to hear your fantasies,” Vera stated.
“But, Google Translate told me………”, I’d replied.
“Oh you fool! You still hadn’t changed one bit, didn’t I tell you, NEVER, to trust the translations on Google translate?”
So, there must be an error that occurred, or, perhaps, this man just, hated his ex-wife so very much, he’d wished that she’d died, and, as he was typing into Google translate, his mind took over, who knows, but one thing’s for certain, an error by the receiver OR the sender of the message had occurred here.
Life, the Obstacle Course 