Playing the Guessing Game

Not everybody IS clairvoyant you know??? Translated…

I’d bumped into my neighbor at the marketplaces, she was, going on a shopping spree, I’d smiled and guessed, “Your son and daughter-in-law are visiting you?”, she’d had that ambiguous facial expression, she’s really glad about it, but, her tone of voice was, sorrowful, “Yup, they’re home for supper tonight. My son was so malnourished, because his wife can’t cook well, I’d needed something tasty to fill him up.”

A few days later, I’d bumped into her at the marketplace again, she’d told me angrily, of how it went, that evening, that day, she’d prepared a full table worth of banquet-quality foods, the children loved the food; then, the full daughter-in-law took up the bowl and the chopsticks, brought it into the kitchen, she was still having her soup, she’d told her daughter-in-law, “Leave it there, wash it later.” The daughter-in-law complied, walked into the living room, watched television, and, NEVER entered into the kitchen to do the dishes again.

The neighbor said in a surprised voice, “Didn’t she understand what I’m not saying to her? What I meant was, wait until everybody’s finished eating, THEN, she can do the dishes, doesn’t that save more time for her?”, not only her daughter-in-law couldn’t understand what was expected, I can’t even get it, but, my neighbor’s wife said, that her daughter-in-law was playing dumb, leaving ALL the cleaning to her.

As I saw how the battle of mother-in-law vs. daughter-in-law was about to break loose, I’d quickly, attempted, to put out the flames, consoled with my neighbor, “You’re a family, and you should just, SAY what you mean, the ambiguous speeches, can only bring about more misunderstanding, how can you blame your daughter-in-law for being lazy?”

My mother too, used to play these sorts of mind games. Back then, my third youngest sister who’d married to Taichung would often come to stay with my parents for the weekend for one night, my mother had been totally, stressed out, having to prepare the meals for the family of five already, let alone the cleaning up of the sheets, the pillow cases after they’d left. Her endless complaints made my youngest sister believed that she was really upset, so, she’d secretly passed along the message to my third youngest sister, and, my third youngest sister had, stopped visiting home so often then, and once, she’d even, not come in to my mother’s home to live, and, my mother got angry, “What, our own home is not as comfy as a hotel? My cooking skills not good enough? When will I, get to see, my grandchild?”, this caused my third youngest sister to not know what to do, and, my youngest sister became, the one to blame.

Later on, my third youngest sister worked up the courage and asked my mother, how, can she manage to, satisfy my mother? My mother thought for a bit, said, “It’s fine that you’d come back often, the house will be lively, but, not so often too, otherwise, I’ll be, tired out.”, and, after that, we’d all, become, confused, and in the end, we’d come up with a solution, that whenever my third youngest visits, she’d brought her own sleeping bags, and not told my mother that she was coming home beforehand anymore, hit her by surprise, that way, mom wouldn’t need to busy herself away, and, the meals are left, to the three of us, sisters, so my mother can have the time with her grandchild.

The women’s heart, are really HARD to understand, even if it’s woman to woman, whether it be mother-in-law with daughters-in-law, mother-daughter, or best friends, we might still, guessed wrong what one another is thinking about. So, just TELL each other what is expected, straight up! After all, if someone guessed wrong, there might be something bad that might taken up root then.

So, this, is how we relate to each other, because we are very close, we expected that we’d known what each other is thinking, is feeling, and, oftentimes, we’d, guessed wrong, which is why, straight up communication is absolutely NECESSARY, in dealing with these sorts of problems, besides, why the HELL would you want me to guess what you’re thinking? And, why would I want to, guess at what you are thinking, huh??? That just makes interacting, relating to each other, a HELL of a lot more difficult!