Got Lost, Again

God DAMN it, not again!!! Translated…

On the road to life, I’d always, set precise goals, approached the paths, with my set up plans, never strayed, never got lost. And yet, toward the flow of things in my reality, I’d become like this lost toy airplane, circling around in the air constantly, not being able to, find my directions.

Because I don’t recognize the roads, every time I’d driven to a foreign place, passing onto the freeways, gazing at the road signs, but, without time to react, I’d felt this panic rising up, and, before I can calm myself, I’d already, gone down the wrong roads, and so, I can only, keep on, driving to the next exit ramp, and, the roads I’d driven unnecessarily just, accumulated.

Where, am I again???  Not my photo…

Those larger scale parking lots are an even more grueling test for me. Because there’s the separation of passages of walkways and driveways, as I’d reentered into the parking lots the way I came in, I’d often, couldn’t find my car, and, I’d needed to, backtrack, and entered from the way I’d come in to the parking lot, then, I was finally, able to, find my parked car again.

In the places I’d never been to before, whether it be driving, or walking, I can’t make it there no problem. Although it’s said, that modern day technologies can give people the assistance as they’d needed, but, it’s, as if, I was, sworn enemies with them all, the more the machines talked, the more confused I’d become, and so, I’d used the rule that never failed me, using my lips to ask for directions. But, this doesn’t save me from getting lost all the time, from time to time, I’d bumped into a person who’d not said a single word to me, just pointed, “It’s right there!”, and I’d wondered to myself, “Where, IS there?”, sounded not too far from where I was, and I’d, not wanted to prod anymore, and so, I’d had to, figure things out on my own. And from time to time, I’d bump into someone who’s really very helpful not only did the person describe the process to get me to where I’m going, after s/he was done, s/he would ask again, “Did you understand my instructions on how to get there?”, and looked upon me with that look of care and concern. Such kindness, I can’t turn her/him away, so, I’d, nodded and say, “Yes, I understand how perfectly well, thank you!”, then, I’d, slowly, rewind in my head, back, to that long-winding ambiguous instructions, to find the most impressive instructions, and, took my first steps, toward the right directions, although I’d missed, but, I’d missed, by only a few short steps.

As for the places I’m familiar with, if I’d wanted to, try a brand new route, I’d keep myself, turning in circles, and in the end, I’d, needed to, return to my original spot, and gone my usual way again. The professionals always told, that we’d needed to, switch up our routes, so we don’t get dementia, but, I’m afraid, that before my getting diagnosed with dementia, I may need to worry about myself, getting lost in the streets and alleys.

this, is very bad!!!  Not my photograph…

So, you’re among the group of people that just aren’t good with directions, don’t worry, I am one of them too, and, for people like me, we need to have this SET of routes we take from day to day, without the unexpected turns, because, that, is just how we are, there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just the way this group of people, us, do things, and, there’s no wrong or right in that!