Branded by the Families

How the way we were mistreated gets passed down to our own young, translated…

During the off time of the seminars, the parents rushed to the playroom where they’d left their children.

One of the dads saw the kids fighting over toys, he’d immediately grilled the older son, “How can you fight over the toys with your baby sister? You’re the older brother, you need to, show more love and concern for your younger sister!”, this young big brother told, “But, it’s MY toy, and she was the one, taking it from me!”, but the dad still kept going, “Your baby sister wants to play, and you should let her play with it”, “Why can’t you understand it? Your younger sister wants to play, so just let her have it for now. You need to do this, when you’re the older child, understand?”, the little older brother lowered his head, walked toward the corner of the room.

at family therapy…not my photo.

Another mom saw her daughter coming toward her with her eyes all red, asked her, “What’s wrong, honey?”, the daughter told, “younger brother hit me”. The mother got angered all of a sudden, “I’d taught you, time and time again, when your younger brother hit you, you need to protect yourself! How come you hadn’t learned that yet?”, and the younger brother just stood close by, watched his mom, scold his older sister, like he’d done nothing wrong at all.

imagine this heated up, then, pressed onto your skin, HOW would you feel???  That, is what families of origin do to us!  Not my photo

As break was over, I’d asked the parents, where they’d learned to handle the children’s conflicts the way they had? The father said, he was the eldest son of his house, and since he was little, his parents had taught him to protect and love his younger siblings, no matter what the younger siblings wanted, he must, let them have it first, and so, he’d also, imposed the belief of “older brother must let the younger sister have what she wants” onto his own older son.

And the mother said, that there were, three sisters and one youngest brother in her house, sometimes, when the sisters and brother got into physical altercations, the youngest brother would start hitting them, and, if they fought back, their parents would beat them up even harder. The parents told the daughters, that fighting is not something that girls should be doing, that if they didn’t want to get hit by their younger brother, then, they’d needed to, toughen themselves up. And so, she’d gotten used to believing that “boys can hit, but girls can’t”, and “girls need to learn to protect themselves”.

a sample of what the family looks like on paper, from online…

The great family therapist, Virginia Satir said, “Family is a factory that produces the personalities, the characters of people.” We’d learned how to treat ourselves from our families of origins, how to feel, how to act, and, how to establish our connections with the outside world. The parents MUST realize, that they’re the leaders of the families, that they need to have this healthy and democratic attitude to lead the children to get to know themselves, others, as well as, this world too. But, the abilities to lead don’t come naturally, the parents must learn, and notice the fact, that their own expectations weren’t fulfilled when they were growing up, that they were, injured by their loved ones, that’s caused them to hold the prejudices about life, then, they will be better able to, treat their own loved ones more humanely, as well as themselves, in the opened atmosphere.

So, not only the GENES ARE inherited, the way you treat your young is too, because children will ALWAYS follow the adults’ leads, because in our earliest years, we look up to our parents like they were G-O-D, and, we’d, worshipped our parents from when we were little children, and so, if you, STUPID (b/c that, is what all of you are!!!) parents can’t realize what happened to you as kids, then, you are, MORE than likely, to pass the way you were mistreated by your own parents down, to your own young, and, chances will be, that your children are going to be JUST like you, because the apples still grow on the TREES here, and, they will, MISTREAT their own young, and so, this cycle of never-ending abuse still keeps on rolling, rolling, rolling, until one day, the world self-destructs, like in a sonic boom or something!