How a woman was able to, pull herself back up from the lowest of her own lows, the strength that women are able to find within themselves surely is, amazing here! Translated…
These couple of months, as Mei-Fang walked outside, she’d always, imagined that a car that’s lost track of how fast it’s going would, ram her very hard from behind, that after experiencing excruciating pains, she’d fallen down, smiled, as she spit out blood, taking, that one last look, at this world, then, slowly, closes her eyes. Ah! Nope, Mei-Fang was, thrilled by her own imagination of how she’s dying rather, and, nobody could tell, that there’s this darkness that loomed over her mind. And that day, she’d lost her stance at the office, that, was when Mei-Fang realized, that she’s, sick, and needed to get treated, she’d told herself.
The depression that Mei-Fang had been experiencing is relating to the genetics. Her maternal grandmother whom she’d never met died of suicide, and her mother rarely talked about it; Mei-Fang guessed, that this, was the pain of her mother’s life, that her grandmother’s death must’ve casted a huge shadow in her own mother’s life.
The tragic destinies seemed to have been passed down from one generation to the next, Mei-Fang’s mother lived hard her whole life, poverty was like a haunting ghost, that just, wouldn’t leave her and her families alone, it’d, pressed down hard on her mother, and so, she’d, constantly complained on how useless her father had been. Mei-Fang’s childhood was spent, in the endless arguing of her own parents, and, every time they got into it, her mother would threaten to kill herself, finding a rope, attempted to hang herself, trying to find the pesticides to drink, or a knife to cut herself, and not knowing if that was her mother’s way of threatening her father, or if it was, for real, Mei-Fang always cried like hell, as she’d hugged onto her mother’s legs real tight, so afraid, of losing her mother.
Mei-Fang once heard her eldest sister told, that once, the parents were at it again, her mother ran out to the creeks, and walked toward the center of the rushing water; as the water in the stream got to her waistline, the mother broken down and cried, and, she’d started screaming so loudly, but the raging sound of the waters rushing had, caused her screams to, not get heard. Seeing how she’s about to get taken under, her mother struggled, and walked back onto shore. She’d remembered, that if she was gone, the children will have NOBODY anymore, it was, that scent of strong maternal love, that’s, pulled her back.
This, was NOT from a movie, but from her mother’s reality. For many years, Mei-Fang would recall how her mother took step, by step, toward the middle of the stream, how desperate she must’ve felt. How she longed to give her mother a hug, thanking her, for breaking free from the grips of death, to not let her become a motherless child, even though, her mother also casted this huge shadow over her life.
not my artwork…
Many years later, Mei-Fang started her own family, but, she’d found, sorrowfully, that she was, marching in the steps of her own mother. A bad marriage, a husband, with whom she’d chosen to deal with in silence. The pressures from the difficulties, the depressions, the desperations, that dissatisfactions of life, finally blew up. As that hypocritical manager started talking down at her, Mei-Fang stood up, pounded down on the desk, stared at him, in anger, and, the manager was, stunned.
Mei-Fang rushed out of the office, and, squatted down outside on the sidewalks with no one there, started, sobbing, she’d thought, that if she goes home, that man who does absolutely NOTHING but just hangs around her house would give her the sarcasms and mockeries. Why can she ever, meet the right people? Why does everybody always picks on her? Why? Mei-Fang called out, helplessly, into her heart. Thinking of her children, she’d thought about death, and it’d also, reminded her of how her mother, who’d struggled to break free from the grips of death, for her sakes.
However, unlike her mother who’d just, held it all in, Mei-Fang finally, threw that divorce agreement toward her deadbeat husband, and started seeing a psychiatrist. She’d needed to, find a brand new start for herself, needed to, break free, from the tightening grips of the devil; only by so doing, will she, break free, from the shadows of death itself.
As Mei-Fang stepped out of the hospital, she’d inhaled deep, a few white clouds were, floating at the far end of the skies, the sky, bluer than blue, and the wind, really light.
So, this, is how a woman, breaks FREE from the grips of her own mind, she was, trapped, by her childhood, but, she’d, refused to live how her own mother had lived, and took measures, to change, to make her own life better, and, it was how her mother chose to NOT make her into an orphan, that, was the strength this woman had needed to, draw from, to stand back up, and she had!