A tip for ALL parents out there, because one day, this, would be what you would come face-to-face with, your kids are having separate minds of their own from you, and, having them follow your “orders” is NO longer an option, the advice of an expert! Translated…
My child started doing a self-directed script as I’d offered him candy, said, “So, one out of two? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, should I choose, the fruity hard candy, or the soft candy?”, and although sometimes, his choice I wouldn’t agree with, but, I’d allowed him to have his way. Because I’d allowed him to choose, then, I must take the consequences of his choices, this is also, a method to train him to become more autonomous, along with familiarizing him with the feelings of being respected, and trusted for his choices. After all, one day, he will be the one, making major decisions in his own life, it’s best, that I gave him chances and opportunities to practice before the major decisions came to him.
From when my child was still learning to talk, I’d often asked him, “You want pants or shorts?” or, “You want toasts or egg pancakes?”, using the given circumstances, I’d trained him to think, and to make his own decisions. And, naturally, by four and a half, he’d started, deciding on a lot of things in his own life, and would exercise this skill, when I’d handed him something, such a good boy who can kill three birds with just one stone!
From my past experiences of counseling abused women and children, I’d met too many children, who’d told the adults when asked, “What do you want?” who’d replied, “Anything is fine!”, “Whatever”, or “I don’t know”. When they’re older, entered into the workforce, they will easily fall into the vicious cycle of not being in equal positions in a relationship with their superiors, after they marry, they may become the party being abused, and not known how to fight back. At this time, other than feeling so deeply about the individuals, I’d also, wanted to blame the parents, why didn’t they notice early enough, that a complying child is a very dangerous situation? Especially in this day and age, faced with the various choices in votes, the child would need to have her/his own belief and opinions, and need to FIGHT for her/his own rights.
Next week, there would be two high school graduates from the U.S. who will be visiting with us, they’d traveled as companions in China for three months previously, this time, they’d wanted to visit the home that their friend’s parents talked about—Taiwan’s culture, along with the people too, they’d planned to travel for another month, before their returns to the U.S. The fearlessness of sixteen, didn’t come from nowhere, nor was this learned in a classroom setting, nor from the cramming sessions; I hope, that one day, my own child can have the courage and the wisdom, to experience this sort of a journey to a foreign place, willing to take a flight to an unknown country, to have the curiosities, to want to interact with strangers, to help them conquer their fears of unknown, learning the skills to assimilate into local communities.
And, when my own child asked me for the right to decide on his own, I will gladly, allow him to make his own choices.
This, is a parent’s experience, on training her own son to become autonomous, and self-reliant, and although her child is still probably very young, but, seeing how this mother allowed her own young son to make decisions within his own capabilities to at an early age, this young child will become, a man who can fight for what he believes in, and know how to stand his ground, and be open to the differences of opinions in the world today.