My Mother Who Became Demented Loved Singing, and Didn’t Die Until She Was Ninety-Six Years-Old

On the progressions of dementia, from the caretaker’s perspectives, translated…

In 1995, my father passed away due to illness, my mother had a minor stroke living alone in Taichung, we’d hired a foreign nurse’s aide to accompany by her side, and, we weren’t really reassured, because she has other health issues, and, we’d asked her if she wanted to move in with us in Nantou.

“where, am I???”  Not my photo…

One day in 2007, the nurse’s aide called in a panic, told me, that she was busying about in the house, and that my mother had gone out on her own, that she’d not known where my mother went. I’d immediately rode my motorcycle back home, and started looking for her with the neighbors and friends too, feared, that she might have tripped and fallen into a ditch by the side of the road, she was already eighty-six years old back then. After we’d looked all over, we’d headed over to the police substation to report her missing, and, there she was, sitting in the station, waiting.

Turns out, that a kind stranger saw that she was lost, and couldn’t get the inquiries out of her, after he’d given her some water, he’d taken her to the substation. As I’d phoned up the kind stranger to thank her, what was funny was, as the neighbor drove her to home, as she was getting out, she’d asked him, “How much do I owe you?” she’d mistaken the neighbor as a cabdriver. And that, was the very first time she’d, wandered off, and it was the time when I got stressed out over the most, afterwards, we’d paid the annual fees, and gotten her enrolled into the lost and found program, she now has a tag with digits on it, and whenever she wandered off, and was recovered, people will call up the contacts on the tag.

not my photograph still…

In order to pass the time, every day after breakfast, the nurse’s aide dolled her up, and took her to physical rehab, putting on the lipsticks, the nail polish, I’d heard my cousin who visited from China toldl: that my mother was the daughter of the citadel’s commander in Sichuan, she’d followed her father to Taiwan, for a teaching post, she’d gotten into the habits of getting dolled up. As she’d gotten into my car, I’d asked her where do you want to go, and each and every single time, she’d said, let’s go visit So-and-So Yang, and Yang was a neighbor who lived opposite of her in Taichung, who’d looked after her, and she’d remembered his kindness toward her.

Going to the hospitals for a stroll to have her physical therapy is nothing, it’s more like taking her to visit her friends in a familiar environment, and on the way to physical therapy, as she’d bumped into a man, she’d commented, “You’re so handsome!”, and as she’d bumped into a woman, she’d stated, “You’re so pretty!”, her greetings made people feel very good.

On the weekends, I’d wheeled her out to the local marketplaces to sit for a bit, and, the customers who knew her would comment, “Grandma, you look so pretty today, you don’t have any age spots!”, knew that she’d loved to sing, the customers would encourage her, and she’d not held back, and performed the solos for the people around her, such an interesting elderly person.

maintaining an active lifestyle with dementia, NOT my photograph still…

And, the four-fruits juice after every meal was her favorite, after her meals, she’d always stated, “Feng, bring me my juice!” she never did forget about her after meal juice, and now, she’d called Mei, our Indonesian nurse’s aide, “Mei” as “Feng”, her former Vietnamese nurse’s aide, she couldn’t change the way she’d referred to the help! Like everything was, STUCK, in a freeze frame.

She’d followed her schedules strictly, after nap, the foreign hired nurse’s aide would wheel her outside to get some sun, she’d known it was me as I come in, and pinched me ten times on the cheeks, so, how can my mother who’s very intelligent, can hear and see real well be demented? My seemingly normal mom had the inhaled infection of pneumonia, and died at the age of ninety-six, and who knows, maybe, she’s currently singing her songs happily, and flying all over the realms of angels.

So, this, is the caretaker, remembering the demented parent after she’d passed, and, I’m sure, that not all the moments are all positive as this person remembered, because there are a TON of trials, that the family members must adapt to after the elderly became demented, and, you’d needed to have a 24/7 caretaker by your elderly parents’ sides, so they don’t wander off and get lost, because keeping the elders safe is the most important thing after they were diagnosed with dementia.