Ideal Parents

There’s NO such thing, first, AND foremost!!! Let’s start then, shall we??? Translated…

“Can we just say to ourselves: fine, I just didn’t get MY ideal parents…they didn’t know how to help their children, because, they are still children themselves psychologically. The knots of the parents, came from our infancy stages of life, when we can’t do anything about our surrounding environments.” This was, a line, from the psychiatrist, Huei-Wen Deng’s book, “I Can be Me with You Around”, as I’d flipped to this passage, the knot inside of my heart, was untied all of a sudden.

A series of footages from my childhood years came flooding back up: on a certain evening when I was in the third grade, all of a sudden, a glass of water was tipped over and spilled onto my assignment books, because my parents were fighting, and in a moment of anger, my father tipped over a basin of water. Back then, I’d just, wiped the water off my homework pages, with my tears in my eyes, lowered my head, continued working on my assignments. In high school, my mother died of illness, and my father put up his business, wanted to sell the house to pay up his gambling debts, my relatives told him to think on behalf of us, his children, but he’d stated, “I’m the one earning the money, I can spend it however I wish.”

After college, he’d blamed me impatiently, “What’s the use of your college degree? You’d graduated for three months now, can’t even find a job, do you want me to take care of you for life?” Later on, I did find a job, and gave him regular allowances, like it was business, without much emotional ties, I’d just didn’t want to give him any more excuses to humiliate me again.

After I’d worked for a few years, I’d told my father that I wanted to marry my boyfriend whom I’d dated for a while, he’d looked very distant and cold, and, demanded a seven-figure dowry, right at the moment, I’d started crying, thinking, “Are you selling your daughter? Am I a money maker for you, nothing more?”, after I had my relatives and close family friends consoling him, he’d still gotten a six-figure dowry payment.

It’s hard to understand someone, but quite easy to misconstrue a person. All the stories in a life, maybe, it’s safe to say, that they’re all, linked together, by a series of misunderstandings. Looking back at my father back then, I can understand, that because of his immaturity, caused him to not cope with the loss of my mother, which led him to not being able to pay up his gambling debts, that, was why he’d demanded our help. And back then, as I was still growing into being, I couldn’t steadily carry the expectations he’d imposed upon me, that, was why I was, traumatized.

With the passing of time, through reading the books, I’d come to understand, that although I’d not had the option of picking my own parents, but I can look upon my own past with a more tolerating perspective. Empathizing and admitting to myself, that my father has his limits based off of his personality traits, and accept those imperfect years, and, extract myself from my childhood gloom, seeing how much I have right now, and come to cherish it even more.

Reconcile, allowing your own hearts, to restart again.

Giving yourselves a break, stop living in the past is what this article is about. And, there are, AWFUL parents in the world, in fact, almost ALL the parents ARE bad, because NONE of you know WHAT you’re doing, and, you’re simply passing the interaction styles you’d picked up from watching your own parents relate to one another onto your own young, and, if your own children are JUST as clueless, if not more so than you, then, they’re more than likely, to PASS this same SHITTY cycle down to their own young too, and so, the VICIOUS cycle still keeps on rolling until one day, the EARTH blows UP, but gladly, this woman was able to realize why her own father misbehaved so, because he was WAY too immature, to cope with the loss of his own wife, well, think about it this way: if YOU are having difficulties, dealing with something so AWFUL as a loss of a spouse, how do you think your young children are coping, with the loss of a parent, huh??? the children are still NOT the ones at fault here, it’s you, the ADULTS who F***ED (maxed out, remember???) up!