The passages of life, translated…
My father was ill and bedridden for almost three years. The line, “Long illness makes the children awful”, is describing me.
Since my father got injured at work, these couple of years, I’d gone home less and less times to visit, and that day, I’d finally made it back home, saw my father getting more and more weakly, I’d felt that rage on the inside, we’d gotten used to the silence between us, and, the air became so silent that you can see it freezes up. All of a sudden, dad told me he wanted some pork, and, I’d told him okay, then, rushed out, like I was escaping a fire, to get it for him.
The house was filled with the aromatic scent of the meats, I’d quietly, flipped my father over, patted his back, cleaned up his mouth, my heart was, draped over by this sorrow. He knew what I was thinking, opened, “It’s all fate, there’s, no need to worry.”, and told me to shift my focus back to my family and kids, that I’d not needed to come home so often.
I’d put up half a bowl of the meat of the head of the hog, and, I’d placed piece after piece into his mouth, seeing how happy my father was, eating it, and, that chased away ALL the upsets, the glooms from a moment ago. At which time, mom returned, she saw me feeding dad, and, without knowing the details, started, grilling me hard, “Are you trying to busy me to death by feeding your dad so much food? Every time you’d come home, you’d bring trouble back, don’t come back again!”, and, I’d known, that my mother’s anger was from her fatigued of having to look after dad every single day, but I can’t help, but getting agitated too, I’d, forgotten to tell dad goodbye, just turned around, and left. And, this parting was, forever.
Dad didn’t want mom to get too stressed out, didn’t want his son to throw away his future to take care of him, didn’t want his daughter to worry endlessly over him, so many things he’d not wanted to have happened, and so, he’d, starved himself to death. It’s be many years, and yet, every time I’d recalled all of this, I’d started, crying like a baby. My living well today, was from my father’s trading his life in the mines back in the day, and, I can only, holler out to the clear skies, “Thanks dad, goodbye”!
So, this, shows, the strains from taking care of the aging parent, and, the father must’ve been an authoritarian at home, that, is why this daughter couldn’t get close to him, even IF she’d felt the need, to establish that needed intimacy with her dad, and, the mother just got too tired, of looking after her husband that she’s in a bad mood, and this still just shows, how when the elders get ill, it’s not just the person who’d fallen ill that it’s affecting, it’s, affecting the entire household.