On letting go as a parent, the experiences of life, translated…
After my son served his army terms, he’d decided to go abroad to study, a short while ago, he’d started thinking about which area of study he should take up, and found a cram school to consult.
One day, my son came home and told me, that the manager of the cram school wishes to speak to me, because I’d never talked to him about my thoughts about my son’s going abroad to study, he’d needed the three of us to sit down to discuss, where my son should go, what he should be studying, and the like. At first, I’d turned it down, told my son, “You know it’s unnecessary, because I have NO opinions. I’d never gone abroad to study, nor do I know anything about your area of expertise, talking to me about it, is simply, pointless.”
parents who are, running their children’s lives here…not my photo.
But, the manager of the cram school didn’t believe parents like me existed, insisted on meeting with me. Of course, after he’d talked for a long while, I’d still replied back, “Just do as my son wants you to.”
A lot of children, since they were born, including their food intake, the clothes they wore, what they played with, were all planned out by the parents. Following that, as the child heads into higher education, everything in the academia, cram school sessions, friendships, or even, what they do on their spare time, the smaller matters of what time to set the alarm, to the bigger issues of what major the child studies, a ton of parents would get totally involved, even as the kids didn’t want the parents to meddle, but those parents seemed to lacked self-control, just couldn’t let it go, worried that their young was way too inexperienced, so, they’d, taken care of every single miniscule matter.
I’d had an encounter with a mother who’s a long-term insomniac, when I’d asked her about the cause of her insomnia, she’d told me that she was staying up alongside her son who was in high school to study, she saw that her son was pulling an all-nighter, and felt awful, so, she’d, stayed up with him all night long. When the child is about to fill in the sheet for the majors, I saw more parents taking the lead, and, it became confusing, as to who’s actually going to university, the parents, or their young?
I’d often reminded the parents, “Did your parents raise you like so?”, the answers are usually, negative. As I went to school back in the day, my parents who’d worked late were both still in bed, so, if I were late and got punished, it would be my own responsibility, I couldn’t blame my parents for not waking up to get me to school on time. But now, as the kids came late to school, their excuses may be, “my mother overslept”. And even as they found the majors they were in hard, wanting to drop out, and the reason given might be, “my father said that this major can get me a better job after graduation, he’d filled out my major forms, it wasn’t my choice to take this major………”
We’d thought, on behalf of our young, took every single matter into our hands, handled everything FOR them, believing, it’s, an act of love, but we’d, forgotten, that kids need to grow up. When we’d thought too much for them, it would cause them to lose their own ability to think; if we’d taken care of everything for them, it’d, stripped them of, the opportunities to learn from their own mistakes. Our love, had made, escapees, out of our children, from their own lives.
Is this call, love, for real?
Of course it isn’t, but, there are, a TON of parents who are, taking over their children’s lives, picking their majors, planning out every single step they’re to take in life, depriving their own children of a life that should’ve been theirs, and, it may be due to how the parents NEVER got a chance to live their own dream when they were back in school, or that because their parents before them had, deprived them of the choices that they’d wanted to make themselves, that they’re now, just handling EVERYTHING for their own young, or, that they are just, trying to save their children, from making mistakes, as their own mistakes were, too costly, in their own opinions, without realizing, that allowing the children to MAKE their own choices is what makes the children become more mature, the surest way, to enter, into ADULTHOOD!!!