From a newsletter here, translated, by me…
“Although everybody says uncle is a macho man, but I don’t think he is! I’d discovered, that uncle only uses the way he understood, to love the ones he cared about.” What, does this line mean? Hearing the social worker, Dzou from T.A.D.A. spoke, I’d realized, that the elderly members here all have many sides of them selves, waiting for us to discover.
Uncle Lin (a pseudonym), in the beliefs of his family members, had been strict man, who rarely smiled, his wife had never heard anything sweet from him either, he was, apparently, a “macho man”! Once in the arts and crafts session, we’d taught the elders to make windchimes, when Zhou, the social worker asked, “Such a beautiful windchime, who is it for?”, uncle spoke, in a barely audible voice, shyly too, “For my wife!”. Ever since that class session, Zhou found, that as the elderly man shared with the class, he’d often mentioned his own wife, and afterwards, he’d shared with her, the creations he’d made on the day, clearly, his wife played an important role in his life. And although, the elderly man rarely showed his gentle side to the outside world, but in every single one of his actions, along with seeing how Grandma’s eyes would twinkle when she heard him talk about her, it’d made us all feel this depth in the love they shared.
Zhou said, that she’d been surprised often in observing the elderly in the class, from the very first week when they’d come to class for the very first time, having the doubts, distrusting us, to slowly willing to open up, and showing us, a side of themselves, that nobody else knew. It’s truly not at all easy, to care for someone with dementia, but, if you’re patient, accompanying them close by, you may be surprised at what you can find out about them!
And so, this, is how someone with dementia expressed his love for his own wife, and, it’s these sorts of heartwarming stories that keep us hopeful, when we interact with elderly with dementia, because, even though, they may be difficult at times, they still manage to, surprise us every now and then…