Days Since You’d Been Gone

How many days, had it been, let me count………somewhere ‘round 3,287, -ish???

You’d died, or rather, you were, MURDERED, by that LOSER, DEADBEAT who’d abused me since I was in the third, or was it the fourth (still can’t really remember!!!) grade year, back in 2008, when HIS ex-wife, and no, she will NEVER be your grandmother!, had, DRAGGED my F***ED up ASS all over CHINA, against MY strong will, which would be considered as???  Oh yeah, N-E-G-L-E-C-T!

not my photograph.

At the beginning, I’d, cried, every single night, because I can’t cry during the daytime, and god KNOWS how wet my pillows became back then!, and, I’d see your cute head of curls (and no, still don’t know if that, WAS what she would’ve gotten either!!!) from time to time, and, as I saw women holding their young in their arms, I’d had to, turn my head, or, put on my sunglasses, so my tears won’t show…

Days since you’d been gone, I’d lost count, because, you’d been nonexistent for me, a very, very long time already, and, even though I no longer missed you like crazy, child, I still remember those months you were supposed to have been inside of me, it’s just, that there wasn’t that hollow ache inside of my body now.

Days since you’d been gone, how can I tally up the ways I missed you day and night?  How can I get over this loss that’s become, a huge part of me now?  How can I, get rid of this memories of how you should be, how old you’d turned?  I can’t, there’s NO way around that, I will always, and FOREVER, carry this strong sense of loss inside of my mind, for the rest of my life, and, every day that I live, I will feel my heart, dying on the inside, for you, my love………