The Helplessness of the Youngest Daughter-in-Law

Translated…

A’s husband is the youngest of his family, with five older brothers, four older sisters; and every time they gathered, they loved talking about the interesting things that happened to them as children, they’d all agreed, that their mom’s favorite, other than the fourth child, it’s A’s husband.

After she married, she lived with her in-laws, and worked busily with her husband, her seventy-something mother-in-law is very healthy, would go out to worship, and visit with her friends, she’s even busier than the two of them.  And, because the mother-in-law is getting elderly, she’d stated it bluntly, that as A got pregnant, she won’t help look after the grandchild, and so, the couple found a nanny, and, after work, they’d picked up the child to take him home; until the birth of her second child, A couldn’t help but feel awful about how the kids would have to, get dragged out of bed and taken out early as they needed to go to work, plus, the fees for the nanny are getting pricier, so, the two of them discussed it, and, A decided, to give up her high salary, became a full-time mom.

not my photo…

After she’d returned back to the family, A slowly discovered the society’s discriminations toward full-time housewives.  For instance, as her eldest entered into school, the school had a parent-teacher conference, and needed to assign a classroom mom, as the instructor asked for volunteers, some of the parents immediately claimed, “We need to work, life is too busy already, we need to find someone who’s not working outside of the home to take up the task.”

As A left her work, she’d once sworn to her coworkers, that after her kids are older, she shall return back to the workforce again; but, twenty years had gone by, the kids went to high school, got into college, and A shouldn’t be worrying over her young anymore, and, as her friends saw her, they kept asking when she’s returning to work again?, and A can only smile bitterly toward their inquiries, A still couldn’t manage, to get away from her family.  On the subject of family trips, for instance, considering the elders strengths, they’d only scheduled the sightseeing trips, but, many times later, the kids have complaints, and started not being interested enough in the trips together as a family, because the younger generations have more energies, and wanted to challenge the new and adventurous routes, A, who’d carried the responsibilities of trip planning couldn’t satisfy both sides, and, after awhile, she’d become, unmotivated, to set up the traveling plans.

And every time the family heard that the older siblings are about to go off abroad, of saw the photos of her friends out as a family, A would become envious, because, they’d not needed to worry about caring for the aging parents—because she, the youngest daughter-in-law, took care of her mother-in-law so perfectly, that everybody didn’t worry.

not my photo…

A actually envied her husband’s other older siblings for being able to have a life outside of the big family, but because her husband is the youngest, and, the older siblings are aging, and her mother-in-law is already used to her living style now, there’s almost NO chance of changing; but A often wondered, that she too, is heading toward midlife, and her children are about to graduate and enter into the society, and, there would be, less and less time she gets with them, she’d started, feeling depressed.  And, she’d heard everybody telling her, “Mothers loved their youngest children most”, she couldn’t help but wonder, if it is, really, true?  The days became years, years became decades, looking after the parents-in-law, preparing the meals for them, and when they are ill, accompanying them to the doctors, and, providing the elders with allowances each and every month, schedule the family outings………everything is left, up to A to do, and, the rest of the family only showed up around the major holidays, A wanted to ask, if this, is what being “most cherished”, can she, share the responsibilities, with the others too?

So, this, is the case, where the mother stays with her youngest child, and, this daughter-in-law is slowly feeling the strains, of having to care for everything, and, this is, somewhat atypical of Asian culture, because the parents usually live with the eldest sons.