Translated…
One day, a classmate sent me an e-mail. After I’d read it, I’d thought to myself, “It’s finally here………”, it seemed, that I was, so very tense then, but at the same time, very energetic.
My classmate wrote in her e-mail to me, “I think I may be having hot flashes.”
I think, as you all read this, what’s meant by hot flashes is a symptom of menopause when you start sweating like crazy, for no reasons at all. And now, whenever I see friends who are a bit older than I, and it isn’t the summertime, and are sweating like crazy, I can’t help but wonder, “this should be a sign of………”, and, similar symptoms, finally found all of my former classmates, one, by one.
It seemed, that a long, long time ago, I’d had this, “It’s finally here” mindset, thinking back, that, was when we were in our elementary years, hearing my best friends, discussing their menstrual cycles.
“X seems to having her period now.”
Because I’m a really late bloomer, back then, I’d not felt at all, that “I’m going to turn into an adult soon.” But, seeing the very first of my classmates, O have her period, I’d found, that the breasts are developed, becoming a woman, was, nothing like the flat-chested me. “Will I also, be like that too?”, I’d felt back then, that I’d needed, to tread across, that darkened, unknown waters by myself soon. After that, after a long, long time, I’d finally, waved goodbye, to the flat-chested days, successfully, became, adult. Gaining weight, losing weight, various things kept, happening to my body, as I got into my thirties, wrinkles, age spots, white strands of hair, the onsets of aging kept attacking me one by one, scared the hell out of me.
here are, the SEVEN DWARFS of M-E-N-O-P-A-U-S-E, found online…
But, after I had surpassed through the shocking feelings of “Oh my god, is that a strand of white”? all of these signs of aging became, quite normal. At first, I’d felt, a bit, embarrassed about growing whites, and couldn’t tell my hairstylist, and now, I can say to my hairstylist with ease, “My whites are showing again, can you please, dye it for me.”
For people who are starting to age, as signs of aging started showing, they’d all flown into a panic, “Am I the only one who’s going to turn into this?”, and even the friends didn’t dare say anything, just worked hard, to keep the signs of aging to themselves best as they can.
And still, after you get used to it, you’d come to understand, “Everybody goes through this!”, everybody has wrinkles, and everybody eventually needs reading glasses. Instead of showing how, “I’m not that old yet”, why not just tell the doctor, “Just help me get rid of my age spots by laser then.”
“I’d needed to get my hair dyed once every month.”
“I can’t see anything in front of me up close, even if I wanted to extend my arms far up front, my arms aren’t long enough!”
I’d always, increased my knowledge of the age differences and consciousness, through these conversations my friends are having.
My friend’s “Declarations of Hot Flashes”, toward a senior middle-aged person, was of huge impact. It symbolized, how after we stopped menstruating, meaning menopause. And because of the hormonal imbalance caused by menopause, the group of symptoms were, called, “menopausal symptoms”.
For me, this, was the very first time I’d felt, “wow, my friends are, menopausing too.” And now, as we’d felt mild discomforts, we’d said to one another, “Perhaps, it’s menopause.” “No, not yet.”
There are, alternative motives, saying it like that. Although saying it ourselves, is just a matter of fact, but, it’s used, to get the other person to say, “no, you’re still quite young”. This meant “I’m about, to head into, menopause now……”, what’s waiting for us in the near distance.
In the past, the over thirty years after our first period, our ovaries worked orderly, ovulate once every month. Those who’d gotten pregnant, during their pregnancies, can have a break, but afterwards, the ovaries still produced one ovum per month. “The number of ova is on the decline……hmmmmmmmmmmm, maybe, I won’t, get pregnant again?”, and the stop of ovulation signifies the end of “business”.
Recently, I’d started thinking, “now that there’s no more purpose for it, it wouldn’t matter, if I don’t, ovulate anymore.” But, once the doors are, completely closed, I’d still felt shocked, “is it, really, here?”, just like how that soba noodle shop in the neighborhood, open and close each and every day, so matter-of-fact, and still, after the owner told the neighbors, that he’s too old and wanted to close down shop, and although I’m not a frequent customer, I’d still felt, shocked.
And, toward my own ovaries that’s slowly, pulled down the gates, all I can say to them is, “you’d worked, really hard.” And, the ovaries, kept believing, that one day eventually, I will meet, a sperm, and become fertilized,” causing it to keep on, producing our eggs, but for thirty plus years, it’d swung, and missed, the ovaries may feel, that this life, is so pointless. My sister ovaries (one on the left, one on the right), I’m truly grateful, toward you both, these past part of my life………
Having said all of that, before all the physical symptoms start settling in, I’d still felt, a bit horrified of menopause. Before my very first menstruation, I was once, so scared, that my body can get pregnant, it’s that same fear that had, overcome me before menopause, because I don’t know what menopause felt like, and that kept me feeling unsettled, with this “brand new” body state of mine.
In the past, whenever the subject of menopause was brought up, it’d become, like a mystery, a riddle. My mother, or other older female friends, none of them complained, “I’m menopausing, it’s, so hot in here!”
But recent years, there are feminine issue magazines with the special reports, asking well-known women, to discuss how they’d, handled their own menopauses, and so, those knowledges became, more ordinary, and we’d finally not needed to, kept everything hushed up and hovered over.
The ladies around me started talking about menopause with me. The friends who are older than I, hearing the subject of discussions, they’d told me, very concretely, “It’d started for me after I’d turned forty-five, like I was, overcome with major depression, it’s, so very, painful, but I’d been on hormone replacement therapy, and, it’s, much easier now………”
So I’d understood, “those who’d weathered through menopause, only needed to pass their own experiences to those women who are ‘about to go through menopause’” even as you told the ladies in their twenties or thirties about the physical pains of menopause, all you will get are, “really?”, but if you talk with women over forty-five, because they’re about to march into menopause themselves, they would, listen carefully, to the older-than-they-are individuals carefully. And, passing the knowledge along, because you’d been through it, would make the experiences, more meaningful.
So, this, is a shared experience for women, and, for women who are in their twenties, thirties, they may not understand, because menopause seems, too far off to them, but, as the ladies get into their late thirties, early forties, mid-forties, late forties, then, they connected, because they’re about to go through that too, so, it’s on relating to the experiences of menopause, that’s made sharing the experiences of one’s own menopause symptoms more valid.