Confronting the sexual abuse that happened to him in the armed services, carrying the secret burdens, for so very long, finally able to, unload, from someone’s experiences in the armed services, from an online blog in Chinese I’m a subscriber to, translated, by me!!!
During that period of my life, it was, too hard, don’t even recall how it was, that I’d, gotten through it! Not only was I confronted with the difficulties of not having enough money in my bank account, I didn’t even feel myself worthy enough! Looking back, I’d wondered: how did I manage to, live my life so badly as I had? Twisting, turning, and grinding was, my tortured, heart…
Maybe, it’s also, due to the hardships I’d endured through as I was enlisted in the service, that’s made me, into who I am today???
rape is rape, is rape, don’t matter the sexes!!!
The two years I’d served in the armed services, the nightmares during those times had, elongated, until I was thirty-five years old!
Even as someone from my same group had become the head of the platoon, I had been, mistreated by my former mates too. The transfer from being my companion, getting suppressed together, to becoming my superior, suppressing me then, had shaken me up, both physically and psychologically too. Especially, there was, a superior, who had the fourth level in Tae-Kwon-Do, who’d gotten drunk so often, and after he’d gotten drunk, he’d, sexually harassed me, I was asked, to drop my pants, to take off my clothes, I’d needed to, figure my own way out of that, and knowing, that nobody was, coming, to my rescue! “As the sun hung high, it’s every man for himself!”, that’s something I’d figured out as I served in the army. And, those endless nights of mental tortures in the service, became my elongated nightmares after I was, out of the services.
And the officer who had, sexually harassed me, was turned in in the very end. He had, raped a soldier multiple times on end, the soldier’s mother had, gotten down on her knees, as she’d begged the higher officials, to make things right for her son, to punish his abuser severely. And, the superior, was put into the mini-prison set up by the military, for only just one month, then, he was, transferred to another unit. But there were still, multiple incidents of sexual harassments at our unit, that was, from another serviceman in our same platoon, who’d, climbed onto my bed, and touched me every single night, making me anxious and worried, I still remembered that summer when Typhoon Sarah came, back in 1989, that evening, I’d hid out, in the storage unit to sleep, to avoid being sexually harassed again.
Someone had, killed himself on our platoon, someone dodged the draft, didn’t finish serving his army terms……in the time we grew up, this was seen, as normal and day-to-day events, and for, all the men who’d weathered through it all, it’s probably, no big deal! But to me, it was, enormous, torture!
That was, a period in my life, filled with hardships! Back then, my wages were $2,100N.T. per month, and, before I was, retired, my wages rose to $3,200. I’d served in the southern regions, in order, to save the money for the transportation and the room and board, I’d kept my uniform on, and remained on base, which had, allowed me to read all the books they have on site, to wander, aimlessly, in the army base too, and I was, able to feel, very relaxed on my own, with nobody else around.
And, maybe, it’s due to how I had, weathered through the hardships in the service, after I graduated university at age twenty-seven, as I was, face-to-face, with the enormous pressures of life itself, I had the strengths, to carry myself through. And when, I was at my road’s end, gotten scammed, and without a cent to my life or name, the tortures of my mind and my body, brought back those painful days of experiences I had in the armed services, and I’d, still told myself, “it won’t be like this for me forever……”
not my graph…
So now, as I got scammed for money, I don’t feel a thing, and it’s not that I didn’t care about losing the money to the scam artists, but because earlier on in life, I’d already, weathered through the stages of my self-blames, and the oppressions, that I’d found the strengths, to care for me, finding more openness, inside, my own mind, that there’s simply, no need, for self-pity. And because my mindset was, different from way back then, naturally, I’d, managed to, improve my own economical conditions too, and that, was how, I was, finally able to, be at peace with me. Thinking about, just how, blessed I’d always been in life; having, experienced through the period of living in poverty, getting the resources I’d needed to survive, and never becoming, trapped, by my own experiences of hardships in life.
But the feelings of being oppressed, was called back again, as I was, writing this article down, and, as I wrote, up to here, my mind slowly, turned to, ease. Like I was, given something wonderful, by the heavens above………
not my photograph…
By making himself re-experiencing what happened to him in the armed services, the writer was able to, finally, overcome, and find the closure he needed, and this is still, very difficult, to dig up ALL those dirty things, to finally, stare, at that skeleton that’s inside his closets, from since he was in his twenties, it’d taken him, almost TWENTY years, to finally find, the closure he’d needed, and that still just shows, that no matter how long it will take, so long as you’re willing to, work hard, to find out what went wrong in your younger years, you can still overcome, unless, you’re on your deathbeds, having someone read this to you, then, I feel really sorry for Y-O-U, as you’d, lived your entire life, not knowing, what freedom from everything felt like………
Life, the Obstacle Course 