Advices to Grandmas

Translated…

Auntie Luan is a “senior” grandmother, with six grandsons, one granddaughter-in-law, of three of her six grandsons, three she’d raised.  A while ago, there was the news of a grandmother, being under too much stress from taking care of her grandson, and was diagnosed with depression, she’d spoken, said, that if we want to take care of our own grandchildren, we must first, examine to see, if we have enough energy, a baby is a life that’s growing by the day, and taking care of one, can be, straining, with just the compassions, it wouldn’t be enough, to help you handle the sudden onsets of situations, so we shouldn’t think of it as too relaxing or too easy.

not my photo.

Auntie Luan’s words reminded me of what had happened to my former coworker who’d immigrated to Canada.  Her husband is an only son, after she’d given birth to a daughter, she’d, immediately had another son, her mother-in-law, other than being ecstatic, used the thoughts of how she’d needed to work, and take care of her two young children, took her grandchildren home with her to raise, told the couple, to come back home to visit on the weekends.

As the son turned two, my coworker wanted to bring him back to Taipei, but her mother-in-law wouldn’t let go, and her husband thought, that having their son staying in the countryside, to accompany his parents would be good, but, in just six short months, their son died of a congenital heart condition, the mother-in-law didn’t do anything wrong, but felt she had, and blamed herself for not looking after her grandson well enough, and my coworker was, heartbroken.

Afterwards, as the mother and daughter-in-law saw one another, they’d started, crying together, and, my coworker started not visiting her mother-in-law, and when she saw two, three-year-old young boys as she walked by, she couldn’t help, but cry.  And, her husband, who’s stuck in the middle, set up his mind, took his daughter and wife, away from this place of heartbreak, moved abroad, and never came back again.  And, the poor elderly woman had, lost her son and grandson at the same time, which proved, how truthful Auntie Luan had told the tale.

not my photo…

Not every grandmother would be fitting to care for her grandchild, my good friend C stated too.  She’s agitated easily, she couldn’t bear to hear her grandchild cry, and wouldn’t want to see her grandson trip and fall, she’d already told her own daughter, that she can only be a caretaker by the hour, and her daughter would need to make appointments to bring her child to her, otherwise, she wouldn’t take him.

And, hearing the words of these two now grandmothers, it’d benefitted me a lot, and, we’d needed to, think seriously on whether or not we are to help out with the grandchildren, because if some unexpected thing happened had caused irreparable damages, it can cause the family to break up, causing another tragedy in the world!

So this is a grandmother-to-be, seeking out opinions from her already grandmother friends, whether or not she should help her own daughter to care for her grandchild or not, and, your children were the ones to have the babies, and if they have to work, that still doesn’t free them from their parental duties, and all you, grandparents need to do, is to be there, as the backups for your own young, like when something comes up, and your children couldn’t find a babysitter quick enough, then, you can, step in to help them out…