not my photo…
Because as the older child, we’re supposed to, love our younger brothers and/or sisters, right??? But, why MUST we, the older children always let them win, why can’t we win from time to time??? Translated…
At supper time, we all sat around the table, my three-year-old daughter, gloated, as she’d held on to her spoon, announced to everybody, “Look, I have a Donald Duck spoon!”, my five-year-old son started trying to grab the spoon away from her, “That’s MINE, you need to use your own.” He’d taken another spoon, said, “here, your Mickey spoon, give me back my Donald Duck”, my daughter returned, “You can have Mickey, I want Donald Duck.” My son is angry now, “That’s MINE, you’d not asked me to borrow it.” My daughter started hollering, “I want Donald Duck!”, and my son turned to me, with that look of being taken, said, “Mom, she took my spoon!”
As I was about to say something, my husband stated to my son, “as an older brother, you should, protect and love your younger sister, it’s just a spoon, it’s, no big deal. You’re the older child, you must, loved and protect your younger sister, understand?”, my mother-in-law chimed in, “Yeah, the older one should always let the younger child have it.” There’s that look of displeasure on my son’s face now, he’d spoken angrily, “Mom, why did you give birth to me first, if she comes out first, then, she would need to let me have everything instead. Why didn’t you have her first?”
Because my in-laws were right there, and I couldn’t say anything then, I’d waited until bedtime stories, then, we’d started discussing the matters. I’d started, “At supper tonight, younger sister didn’t ask to borrow the spoon, and just, took it, and grandma and grandpa said that older brother needed to let younger sister have it, making younger sister happy, but big brother upset, but he’d still allowed her to have it. Is there something you want to say to your older brother?”, my daughter smiled and told her brother, “I like Donald Duck”. “Anything you want to say to your sister?” “I don’t like how she’d just taken my stuff without asking me for it, you should ask to borrow it from me first!”, I said, “what you’re saying, is if she’d asked to borrow it from you, then, you will, allow her to use it?” “Yeah! Because she’s my little sis!”, I’d asked my daughter, “Did you hear what your older brother is telling you?”, she’d said, “then, I shall ask you to borrow it tomorrow then!”, my son nodded, “sure, you will ask me for it. Then, I want to have my story now.”, thus, ended, this war between children.
“The older must let the younger have it,” this, is the rule for many families, and so, the angers kept from being treated unfairly, playing favorites started taking root in the older siblings’ minds; and, the younger children normally learned to watch the faces of the adults, and so, they are more than likely, to get the adults of the families on their sides, and, the older siblings would have an even shorter end of the stick. Mostly, the children who are older are only older by two, to three years of age, are they really, “grown up”? If they’re not older by that much, then, why should they let the younger children have the things? Every single time, you’d asked the older kids to let the younger ones have what they’d asked, this will turn the younger siblings into spoiled brats, or “little princesses”, is that the results that you, parents would want?
a little sibling rivalry
So, because the rest of the adults in the family held tightly to the beliefs that this older son need to allow his younger sister to have what she’d wanted, as was what was instructed, no, POUNDED into our heads as we were growing up, the older kids naturally will feel unfair, because it’s MY belonging, and why must I allow my younger sister/brother have it, if it’s mine, don’t I have the final say, on whether or not if I wanted to lend it out to someone? And, if the parents don’t effectively resolve this issue with the children, then, there will be, bigger problems than just your regular sibling rivalries when the kids get older, and this mom is very intelligent, she’d trained her kids to be rational, to not allow their emotions run their lives, and, by having this conversation at bedtime, she’d gotten the kids to understand why they acted the way they had at supper time.
Life, the Obstacle Course 