Love Through the Seasons

Translated…

Time passes by so quickly like the steeds running past, in a blink of an eye, it’d been, a year, since my dearly beloved Kai had died, and still, this excruciating pain inside of me still never ceased one bit, a million words couldn’t say how much I missed him. Every year, in May, the summer’s slowly, taking over, there’s not that coldness of spring, of the heat from the summers yet, it is, such, a wonderful, comfortable season, and yet, Kai had left us all, on this day last year, and this brought on the coldness, the harshness of the winter season for me.

Kai was my pride and joy, being so upbeat and optimistic, although I’d felt, unwilling, to let him go, but I’m still, thankful, that the heavens had, given me, thirty-eight wonderful years with him. After the majestic funeral, and memory-filled wake last May, all the love his relatives, friends, families said, became this, long winding, never-ending, nostalgia.

not my photograph…

As the heated summers arrived, right after the Dragon Boat Festival, Kai’s one-hundredth day after passing came, I’d once written out, “the Eternal Nostalgia” for the occasion, and received a ton of well-wishes from Kai’s friends who’d become, more like my own children too; I’m more than certain, that Kai, up in heaven feels how much he is still loved by all of us here on earth, and, it’d, reduced that scent of panic, and helped me, find my strength to carry on back.

Seeing the leaves fall, and the scent of autumn approaches, in order to help myself heal from the loss of Kai, I’d scheduled the trips in September to the U.S. to visit the relatives, and the trip to Guilin in October, in the almost-a-month trip to the States, the California sun was right, the Osmanthus bloomed so radiantly in Guanxi, plus the nearly hundred friends I have in my groups, the concerns from my children continually, became like multiple invisible wings, given me the strength, to rise from despair, to set out again.

Kai’s older cousin who’s Kai’s age, who’d grown up with him, Jammie felt awful that he was gone, and in order to thank everybody for keeping Kai in her/his mind, and given me a needed boost too, she’d used the picture of a “care angel”, and printed the picture onto towels, handed out to everybody. Kai’s birthday was November 21^st, his classmates from Yenping had invited me to a gathering on November 15^th, to help celebrate his very first birthday in heaven; everybody there had on the towel that Kai’s older cousin made, it was, as if, Kai was still there, passing the love around to everybody, and this sort of connection that his friends has with him, will NEVER get take away with time ever.

not my photograph…

Then, the lunar New Year’s is here, and, although, this year, I’d still felt, that strong scent of loss, but I’d hoped everybody can be in a celebratory mood. Before the New Year’s Eve, I’d gone to the cemeteries to visit my own parents and Kai too, and I was more than glad, that he could, accompany by his grandparents’ sides, as they spent their New Year’s in heaven, and, I’d hoped, that all of my friends and families all around the world will be able to, keep the ones they loved close by.

I’d often gone to take strolls at the nearby Zhongshan Park, the surprises of March started with the cherry blossoms, the azaleas, in bloom, it was, very colorful, with the calls of all the birds, bringing in the spring. After I’d trekked across a full year’s worth of loss and pain, although it’d not, stopped my deepened nostalgia toward Kai, but I’d, learned to accept, and my primary goal for now is to live out my own life, and most importantly, I know, that being outgoing as Kai, he would’ve made a ton of angel friends too, and, I’m more than blessed, by all the friends, had more children; we’re not lonely or alone, all the well-wishes, the blessings, the nostalgias, will be sent, heaven bound, light up all the countless candles, I’m truly grateful, for everybody’s support, allowing me to have the shoulders I needed to lean and to cry on, and sharing everything with me.

So, this, is what’s been going on, a year, after the death of your beloved son, and, you don’t miss him any less, you’d just, slowly, learned to accept, that he’s no longer with you, and you also found the supports of all of those who loved you, your family, your son, as well as the support of all of your son’s friends too, and, you’re slowly, but surely, moving on, with your lives, knowing, that one day, you will, again, meet up in heaven……………