Translated…
I’d been working as an actor for decades now, that day, someone asked me, “When was your first shot?”, and this, was a very interesting of asking, because normally, they’d asked about my “virgin experience”, or the like, and so, I’d normally, replied to these sorts of inquiries, using the standardized replies. But that day, as someone asked me the question in this method, I’d all of a sudden, that the very first time I was examined from a camera lens, it wasn’t when I was acting, but was when I was on a bus to the suburbs of Seoul.
not my photo…
That day, I’d fallen asleep, and, as I woke out of shock, the Italian boy sitting next to me was zooming in on me with a camera lens. He was my Korean language instruction course’s classmate, we were on our ways to a film festival in a small town. Back then, I’d just started stage-acting, he’s a film major, we’d taken our separate stories, ventured into Korea, when we’d struck up a conversation about the films we’d liked, we could talk endlessly for an entire afternoon, but the language we communicated in was English.
As I saw his camera lens, I’d started, smiling, he’d not shown any intentions of moving away, just kept filming me; I saw that behind the camera, he was also, smiling back toward me, as a courtesy. So, the entire afternoon, we’d strolled along that small town, as I’d viewed the exhibitions, watched the performances on the streets, he’d kept, filming me, looking at me.
On the way back, I’d not fallen asleep, and the highways in Korea are not that much different from the highways in Taiwan, and, all I could see as I looked out the window was, my own reflections. I saw that he was fast asleep, I’d taken up that camera he was holding onto gently, and I’d started filming him too. He woke, smiled and told me, that he was the camera man that prefer to stay off screen. I told him, I’m also, an actor who’d not like showing my face too. He thought I was joking, I’d told him, that I’m protected when I act out a role, but, I’m not into showing my face, that made me feel very insecure. He’d apologized, said that he’d been filming me all along, I’d told him it was fine, and maybe, it was because I was abroad, I’d felt, more at ease.
not my photo…
But recalling that now, actually, it wasn’t because I was abroad that I’d not minded, instead, it’s those eyes behind the lens that made me feel secure and sound. And even though, I’d stood in front of the camera lenses a lot, I’d still felt those moments of discomfort every now and then. The distance of a camera lens is actually about trust.
As I left Korea, he’d given me the edited version of that day on the bus, with the music as a parting gift. After we’d hugged one another hard, without ANY way of maintaining contact with each other. That, was the very FIRST time I’d appeared before a camera lens, he’d photographed me very beautifully, so full of confidence, looking so very comfortable, a lucky actor.
So, perhaps, this guy’s filming you had something to do with how you’d ended up in the acting business? But, that was a long time ago, and you’d not felt comfortable, being filmed like that, because it’s in your natural state of mind, and, everything about you, what you were feeling, experiencing, how you were interacting with the world was so raw, so truthful, there wasn’t any scripts that you’d followed, so maybe, that was why you’d felt uncomfortable at the start of it all, but you’d learned to relax and just became more natural, being YOU!!!
Life, the Obstacle Course 