Thought I’d Never Get Over the Death of You

not my photograph, and no, I wouldn’t know where this is either…

Call it, another letter (and yeah, so what IF I’m still, writing THOSE as well, huh???), to my DEAD Emily, and nope, as this one is “going down”, I’m still NOT feeling any sorrows, or losses, believe it or don’t? Do I CARE??? Nope!

Thought I’d never get over the death of you, and yet, I’d lived without you, for NINE whole years now, baby, and, mommy’s still STRONG as EVER, so, no worries here.

Thought I’d never get over the death of you, ‘cuz your death had hit me, harder, than a TON of bricks, I felt like, my insides, being ripped to shreds, and torn apart, and that, was truly, excruciating, and I still wouldn’t RECOMMEND this experience to ANYBODY, unless, you’re just PSYCHO there!!! Thought I’d never get over the death of you, and yet, it’d been, I can’t even recall how long ago that was (just last month, maybe???) I’d thought about you again, and, as I’d flipped through those volumes of children’s book I bought for you back in ’08, when I thought you were a “sure thing”, I’d no longer, felt saddened.

not my photograph…

Thought I’d never get over the death of you, but I had, and, I still must admit, that at the very beginning of your not-making it (out of my GOD DAMN body you MORONS!!! No offense!!!), I felt the excruciating pains, not just physically, but emotionally, psychologically, and mentally too, but now, as the dusts had, settled, I see you, as a wonderful memory of what-could’ve-been-possible, but really wasn’t supposed to happen, and, I’d felt, more at ease…

So child, you still can’t blame me (this is YOUR mother talkin’ here!!!) for NOT having you, because I have my reasons (uh, hello, for PROTECTION’s SAKE, hello, hello, hello??? Haven’t ALL of you been “following”, or, maybe, you’re just “new” here???), and I know, by not having you, Emily (as that was the name that kept “surfacing” to the TOPMOST layer of my mind when I imagined, but NOT hallucinated!!!), I’d still, saved you, from a WHOLE lot of UNNECESSARY ABUSE AND NEGLECT I was put through already, and yeah, I’m still, a STRONG mama, so, watch it, all of you!!!

Okay, mommy needs a five now………