How to deal, with a teenager, going through puberty in the house, translated…
One day, my son who’d never shut his bedroom doors closed his door, with a note: “Experimenting”, posted out on his door. I was curious, so I’d listened in, with my ears, on his doors, nothing. And so, I’d knocked, and came, “What is it?”, I’d said, “What are you experimenting with this time? Did you get a new kind of insect?”, he’d replied, “Oh, it’s not that, I just want to be left alone.” I said, “Oh, I’m sorry! Sorry to bother you then.”, then, I’d made my “exit” quickly, because at the age of eleven, he’d needed some alone time, and, my intervening seemed to have, disturbed his thinking processes. Some said, “those who can be alone know what they desire.” And I wonder, what sort of a psychological constructions are happening inside my son this time.
not my diagram…
Since he was in his younger years, every day he’d came it, he’d started talking incessantly, and, if I’d wanted to tell him something, I’d had to, squeeze it in really quick. But ever since he’d needed his “alone time”, he’d changed. Every time I’d talked with him, at most, he’d nodded, to show that he’d heard me, or replied, “Okay—I—know”, or “Okay———”, with that last syllable, dragging on. After I’d noticed this, I’d asked, “You sounded annoyed, not want to hear me out anymore, do you?”, and, if he’d nodded, then, I’d stopped talking, to not destroy our next conversations. And, if there’s something that must be stated, I’d given him the brief version, and right afterwards, I’d told him what I thought, and thanked him, for allowing me to save him, and thanked him for listening to me. At which time, he’d nod and smile back at me, like he was pleased for being respected and being heard.
Then, he’d started wanted to hang out with his friends more than he does us. And, every time we’d wanted him to come with us, there would be a series of questions, “Where are we going?”, “what are we doing there?”, “How long do we have to stay?”, and, he’d needed his own time and space more and more now. And, if there’s a gathering that all of us must be present, we’d tell him about it beforehand, and usually, these worked out fine, because he was no longer treated as a child, and his opinions needed our respecting to.
the growth stages here…
Seeing the above conditions surface more and more, I’d decided to place a mailbox outside every single bedroom in the house, and when there are things that made us mad, when the kids are busy with their assignments, or not wanting to talk, I’d written a note, and placed it inside his box. These handwritten notes are more personal, and, I’d watched my tone of voice and word usage as well, and it’d reduced the instances of conflicts; and, the letters can be read and reread over and over again, easier for us, to connect with one another. And, we’d managed, to get past all these awful moments during his puberty with little or no difficulties at all.
Coping with growing children, this, is the challenge that parents need to face, but, if you’d allowed a bit more space, and that understanding attitude toward your children, to interact with them, instead of ordering them to do things, or being overly critical of them, you will be able to, have this brand new look, brand new way, of experiencing the teenage years together.
So, this, is one mother’s experience, in dealing with her own teenage son, she’d noticed that he was changing, and, accepted that he was going through his “phase”, and, they’d found a way to communicate, without stepping on each other’s toes, and that, is how to have a well-rounded relationship with a child in her/his teenage years.
Life, the Obstacle Course 