Lessons still being learned, from the interactions here, translated…
My son who’s going to college in Taipei would make his way back home to Taichung once every two weeks, and, you shouldn’t be mistaken into believing, that his return home has anything to do with how much he’d missed us, instead, he’s missing his girlfriend who’s going to school in Taichung. Every time he’d arrived home, he’d rushed off quickly for his dates with her, and only managed a simple “Hey”, then, he was already gone, we can’t even squeeze ourselves, into his plans for a dinner.
My son didn’t know, that actually his mom’s heart is made of glass, and, all of the behaviors of “just passing through” had, made me feel off, but, he’d not only not know to “eradicate the evidences”, to prevent stimulating me too much, he’d often just, throw the ticket stubs for movies, or the receipts he’d gotten from buying items on outings with his girlfriend all over the places, it’d made me, the “detective mom”, needing little work, and I’d, discovered where he’d gone to on his dates, and how much he’d spent on the occasions too.
Every time I’d skimmed through the thousand-dollars of receipts from the restaurants, I’d not dared start nagging at my son, so, I’d ranted to my husband, “no wonder he’d often complained how he wasn’t getting enough allowances and living expenses, the cost for him to come back and head to school, as well as the money he’d spent on dates, he’d gone overboard with spending the money we gave to him already!”
My husband said to me plainly, “They’re lovebirds, who’d just met once every other week, is it, really, going overboard?”, mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, he seemed to have a point too, recalling how back then, I’d returned to my hometown to work, and every week, my husband who’s working on his graduate degree would either come and visit me or that I’d gone up to stay with him, didn’t I also, spent most of my paycheck, on the commutes and on the dates as well?
“Then, he shouldn’t be treating his girlfriend to full-course meals every single time, should he?”, I’d continued, stated my displease. My husband analyzed the situation to me logically, “Your son wouldn’t be paying for the things every single time? Maybe, the girl would pay too! Plus, if you’d nickeled and dimed like this, you’d turned into, your eldest sister-in-law, hadn’t you?”
My eldest sister-in-law, because her own younger brother couldn’t make it with his girlfriend for ten years, she’d sighed on the money he’d spent, and the energies he’d placed into the relationship had become naught, and so, I’d often heard her grill my nephew, “Who pays when you and your girlfriend go out to dine?”, and constantly reminded him, “Don’t be stupid, in the end, you’d kept someone else’s wife for him!”, I’d once told my husband, that when I’d heard my eldest sister-in-law’s words, it’d sounded so harsh to my ears, because I believed, that if a couple couldn’t make it down the altar, it’s because of the lack of affinity, and, if you’d calculated the things gained and lost in a relationship, it would be, too materialistic and totally, unromantic too.
My husband’s woke was a wakeup call for me! Thankfully, he’d not gone along with my ranting on, instead, he’d reminded me, that other than having some empathy toward my son’s relationship, I should not walk down that path that I’d not want to be on in the first place. It seems, that I have a lot more I needed to learn, on my husband’s empathy and his logic, I will work hard, to try NOT become a bad mother-in-law, before I’m actually one!
And so, it’s always, easier, to point your fingers when someone else is doing wrong, but when it’s you, you just don’t realize it, because you are too close to yourselves, and, you’re only able to see the flaws in everybody else around you, and not your own, and gladly, this woman has a husband, who was able to point out her problems to her in time.