picture from the papers…
Gaining a brand new perspective after falling ill, resetting the priorities, focuses of one’s own life here, translated…
Afterwards, I’d started, dodging places with mirrors in them, and my mind knew that something was, very off with my body………
Until a long time later, I’d finally understood, where I am, what I’d done, that I’d, managed to, lose the most important thing in life………
Slowly Derailed from the Tracks, the Signs that Life Was, About to, Collapse
Earlier on, I’d driven a cab to the northern most corner and the southernmost tip, for my livelihood, I’d often, over worked, and, circled around the Chungli night markets and the neon signs in the city of Taipei, seeing how those lights from the streets would go on and off, my fatigue toward this way of making ends meet exacerbated by the day. Because I’d not kept a regular schedule, I can only use cigarettes, betel nuts, energy drinks, to keep myself awake; after work, I’d had the habits of getting some alcohol, then, headed off to bed. My wife had something to say about this, and would often nagged into my ears, “You know? Eating too many betel nuts, your mouth will become rotted!”
But I’d not taken her words seriously, “Don’t worry, no worries, it’s not, going to kill me. Okay, I’m ready, to head out now.”
“Ahhh! Ouch! Ouch! Ahhhhhh, I may need a brand new toothbrush.” “Hey, I just bought that yesterday, told you not to chew on those betel nuts anymore, now you know the pains, don’t you?”
I’d used my thick palm, patted my unclean shaven beard, looked at my own reflection in the mirror, because the fibers from the betel nuts I’d chewed had, rubbed against my mouth, there was, serious damage to my oral mucosa, and, spots started, growing inside of my mouth felt like ulcerating; on the other side, there had been, a reduce in customers lately, and I’d felt, less and less confident too.
Being stubborn as I, I’d waited until I could no longer, open my mouth, then, I’d, quit these bad habits of mine, cold turkey. Several years later, there was, a hard pimple that surfaced onto my face, and although upon discovering it, I’d felt a bit uneasy, but when my family laughed and joked on if I was returned to my youth again, I’d still, pretended that it was nothing huge. And still, the fears of going to the doctors started, mounting inside of my mind, and, I’d kept, finding an assortment of reasons, to dodge the appointments. And, after a few months, that “pimple” not only grew in size, and it’d, continued to get larger.
The days later, I’d started, avoiding places with mirrors in them, really knowing, that something was, not right with my health, I’d felt, helpless now. My family worked hard, to persuade me, and I’d finally, forced myself, to deal, went to Changgang Hospital, to have the verdicts read to me.
The white marble floor reflected my depressed expressions, sitting on that icy steel chair, I’d covered my face, thinking back, to a short while ago, when I’d sat in the doctor’s office………
The doctor read through the reports of my biopsy, with his forehead frowning badly, he’d first started inquiring me about my schedule, and how I’d come to find this “pimple”, and, at the very end, he’d said, in a low voice, “I’m regrettable to inform you, sir, after the biopsy and everything, you are, in, the fourth stage of cancer.” These words, hit me hard, made me, lose all hope.
“She”, Was the Best Thing that Happened to Me
Ever since, no matter how brightly the sun shone, it’s, as if, I’d become, invisible, by the world, lived on, like a shadow, without any expressions. I’d never had so much loss and depressive feeling inside of me before, in the darkness, I’d heard the tick-tocking away of that big clock, sounded like the countdown to the end of my life.
Until one evening after supper, my wife and daughters carried in stacks of files of the cancer I’d been diagnosed with said, “We’d checked through the records, the fourth stage of cancer can still be cured, so, you must have faith in yourself, hold your head up, let’s, face this thing together, keep on moving forward, what do you say?”
With this strong backup, there’s nothing I can’t pass through. In the accompaniment of my wife, I’d checked into the hospital, and started on a series of pre operational checks, and ran around the hospitals with my slips. Finally, after all the checks are done, I’d, dragged my tired out body, lay there, on the hospital bed, stared at, the utter darkness outside of the window.
Then, all of a sudden, I’d felt, a tight squeeze on my left hand. I’d turned around, I saw my wife, looking like she was about to start to cry, told me something that’s unrelated to how I was feeling, “The weather’s turning cold it seems, don’t know what the weather will be like tomorrow?”, I’d looked at her, without any words, just a sigh. The two of us, remained silent, seemingly, to wish, for an answer that, would come out of, the air. At this moment in time, what, is more important, than cherishing the time we share?
After the surgery, because of a tracheostomy, I couldn’t talk, and can only communicate with my family through writing. In my wife’s staying by my side, not abandoning me, I’d made the hospital my home, stayed for over a month. During this month, although her cheeks started, slimming down, I’d never heard her complain of how tired she was. Sometimes I couldn’t help but complain, and she’d replied seriously back to me, “You will, get better!”, I’d become, convinced by my wife’s eyes, and so, I can only, keep going through my treatment.
Although I’m still in the woods, but, luckily, I was able to, walk out of the hospital, holding on, to a pair of warm hands, into the bright sun.
After the torture of the monstrous cancer, I’d known, how precious life really is, I’d recalled my nearly sixty years of life, after being diagnosed with cancer, surgery, radiotherapy, low, to begin again. And, seeing how I’m still, blessed by the heavens above, after discussion, my wife and I decided, to put our energy and mind, into non-profit activities.
Although cancer is scary, but it’d made me change, and it’d, helped me deepen the emotional bond I had with others too. In the days that come, I hope, to use a heart of gratitude, to treat the world, to help, spread more positive energies, to use an active attitude, to face what’s not-yet-know, what’s feared, and learn, to enjoy life, to live my life, more meaningfully.
And so, after you’d gone through the trials of cancer, you’d finally, turned your life around, and, that, is what it sometimes takes, a WAKEUP call! For you to pay attention, to what’s truly important, your health, your families, and, you would, put your priorities, into the RIGHT orders in the process of falling ill and healing back up.