the cover of the periodical here…
The accompaniment of one’s significant other is VITAL here, from the periodicals, translated…
Another day had, come to an end, it’s around 8:30 in the evening, my wife is already in bed, sleeping. She was diagnosed with “Early Onset Dementia”, and, it’d been four years since the diagnosis had been, confirmed, and, it’d been, five years, since she’d started showing her symptoms, she’d forgotten everybody’s names now, and, of the names she’d forgotten, included my two daughters’, as well as mine too. This July, after the reviews of her conditions, she’s now, “severely mentally handicapped”. Whenever the weather permitted, I’d taken her outdoors to walk for exercise, or to shop around, to the supermarkets, wholesales places, the malls, or I would drive her to Sanxia, Bali, Danshui, Jingshan, Yilan, Nanfangou; whenever the skies turned dark, she’d wanted to go to bed, but the rule of thumb for that was that she’d needed me beside her, I’d needed to, lie down next to her, then, she could, go to sleep, well-behaved. If, I was in the living room, watching television, typing up data, or reading, then, she’d, dozed off beside me, and not going to sleep in our bedroom, and so, I’d gotten into the habits, when the time comes, I’d followed a strict schedule, put on the music, lying next to her until she falls asleep, not long thereafter, she’d be, fast asleep; and I’d still gotten to watch some television, type up my data, or read; and this time is, the most leisurely, most relax time of my days.
She was originally an accountant for a government owned bank, she’s very good at calculations, kind toward her clients, got along very well with her superiors, as well as her coworkers too. Even after she retired, whenever the bank was too busy, they’d asked her to return to help them out. She’s usually very kind, close to people, with the willingness to lend a helping ear, not very talkative, down-to-earth, she’d gained the reputation of being compassionate and helpful in our neighborhood, as well as our community too. Until now, her coworkers, our neighbors or her friends would still call on her, to ask her to go out to dine, to hike, to sing, with them. She, very beautiful, very fit in physique, is a very good daughter, grew up in the retired army villages, it’d made her independent, and hard working, as well as serious too; since she was growing up, she’d needed to make the money, to provide for her younger brother’s four-year college tuitions, until he’d found a job, and gotten married; and she also took care of her nearly a-hundred year-old parents, until she was diagnosed with dementia, and could, no longer manage it all!
Five years ago, when the symptoms started showing, she’d gone to the stores, and bought laundry detergents, or toilet paper, or clothes repeatedly, and she’d become, unwilling to go out, especially to her favorite line dancing class, she’d, refused to go. After my daughter, reminding me so many times, and, at the suggestion of a friend, I’d taken her to “the neurology department of VMH” in Taipei for a more thorough checkup, there were so many items on the checkup list, but I’d recalled that there were “cognitive abilities”, “CT Scans”, “MRI”, “Brain Waves”, that it took her, a pretty while to get all of it done. And, the diagnosis of early onset dementia came. Back then, I was, a stranger to this illness, believed that she was only fifty-four, how could she have “dementia”! Back then, I’d felt unfair, immediately asked for my wife’s medical records, and I was, introduced to a hospital in Sanxia, where I’d taken her, to the examinations again, and in the end, still the same diagnosis: Dementia. Back then I thought, whether it be VMH or the hospital in Sanxia, they’d only prescribed her two pills (Aricept) per day, one for the morning, one for the evening, is that, enough? And so, the year or two afterwards, I’d, taken her to namely Chinese medicine clinic, to get the medications, to have acupuncture, Japan for Gingko, and Tibet for saffron, and even gone to the temples, asked the deities, if someone tells me, that there was a way, I’d sought it out, but, her condition still, fell out of hand slowly, and, I’d become, emotionally wrecked as well too!
At the moment of my near breakdown, Dr. Yu Sun was treating my wife, not only once did he give me the number for the Dementia Association in Taiwan, suggested that I should give them a call. Back then, her living habits are worsened, and couldn’t take care of her own personal hygiene anymore either; her memories slowly declined, couldn’t remember the numbers of our friends and families, and didn’t dare pick up the phones; repeatedly said the same things, repeatedly done the same things; and, her emotions are all over the places, she would get angry and start cussing, or get very high, or become very aloof; she’d not put the items in their rightful places, for instance, she’d placed the bowls for eating into the bathrooms; she couldn’t even operate the electronics such as remote control, or the washing machines; we’d agreed to go out for a walk before, but, right before we’re heading out, she’d refused to come, after we’re out, she’d gotten, really distracted by everything in her external environment, or stop, all of a sudden, and, ventured into the crowd; she’d not watched the signals as she crossed the streets, and, as the lights turned red, she’d started yelling at the pedestrians before her, asking them why they’re not crossing the streets; she’d become, depressed, agitated, and had hallucinations, and delusions, and would walk all over aimlessly. All of her emotions and behaviors had, made me so very sad, and I’d felt, strained psychologically and physically too! Sometimes, it’d taken me a lot, to adjust my own emotions, even though, I knew, she couldn’t control her own behaviors! After I’d contacted the foundation, I’d taken her along to the informative sessions. It was, a Saturday, we’d arrived at a classroom in the YWCA, she’d quietly, followed along the rest of the class in exercise, afterwards, the workers from the foundation took her slowly, to the room next door to draw, to sing, seeing how she was willing to interact with someone she’d just met, I was very shocked, and I was, deeply, impressed by the methods that the workers from the foundation had used to calm her down. After the classes, there was a session for the family members, in the session, I’d found, that I wasn’t the only one, coping with this situation, that there are others like me too.
And now, my wife is no longer depressed, she’d lived every day, with her radiant sunshine smiles, as she’d walked down the streets, and saw children playing, she’d smiled and walked up to them, if it’s a little boy, she’d tell him, “You’re so smart”, if it’s a little girl, then, “You’re so beautiful”, it’d made the children, as well as their parents happy. In her eyes, she sees nothing but beauty, she was, spreading this positive attitude to people she met, I must accompany her, hold on to her hands, to finish this beautiful stage in life, and, we shall, arrive, into a heaven of bliss then.
And so, this shows how the family member had adapted himself, and, it is hard, especially for the family members of the early onset kind of dementia, because your spouse was once, so able-bodied, so intelligent, so good in work, and all of a sudden, s/he had, lost her/his basic living abilities, and, it needed a ton of adjustments, but, if you can be patient like the family members in the article, and just, accompany your loved ones, give them unconditional love and support, then, you won’t feel that taking care of them is too burdensome, and, knowing where to find help is also very important too, and you need to establish a social support network too!
and no, still not my photograph, OR the photograph that was in the periodical either…
Life, the Obstacle Course 