The experiences of a first-time mother, translated…
I was, innately, pessimistic to begin with, I’d always, imagined the worst. During the latter stages of my pregnancy, I’d had a condition of mild hypertension in pregnancy, and my fetus became unstable, although, not to the point of needing hospitalization, but I’d continually, taken the medications that the doctor prescribed, to help me keep my fetus. Back then, I’d imagined, that the worst case scenario, is that I lose this baby.
As my pregnancy became full-term, there was too little amniotic fluid inside, and I wasn’t in labor, but, my blood pressure hiked up, in the end, the doctor decided on a caesarian section for me. I’d successfully given birth, not knowing, that this, was the start of my very own nightmares.
After I gave birth, my blood pressure kept hiking up. During the time of my hospitalization, the nurses looked like they had a lot on their minds, and they’d tried, to hide their worries from me at the same time, making me fear, that I might have a sudden stroke, or have some fatal accident, causing me to not be able to, look after my newborn infant.
Other than the pressures from not lowering my own blood pressure, everything that came with the month of recovery time after given birth made me depressed even more.
Although my husband had days of paternity leave to take, but, he’d still needed to, return, back to work, and he’d also, needed to shop for the needs of our newborn son. I’d kept hoping, that he could, rush to the hospital to be with me after work, but not wanted him to get into an accident as he rushed to the hospital after work, and so, I’d engaged in this constant, never-ending, tug-of-war with myself, on a day-to-day basis.
Plus, the doctors worried, that I might pass out because of hypertension, kept telling my family, that there would need to be, a member close by my side at all times. My husband’s work was by shifts, and, so, I’d relied on my family members to help look after me, even my father came, to help me go to the bathrooms. Actually, I’d not felt ashamed by this anymore, but, it’d become, another sort of pressure, felt that I’m so useless, needed everybody’s help on everything that I did.
Finally, I’d gotten out of the hospital, and went to my parent’s household for my month long recovery phase after birth, I’d thought, that my depression can now, be alleviated, but, because my dad didn’t want me to get tired out, when the baby started crying, he’d, rushed into the room, to hold him; although my father had a way with young children, he’d added to my sense of defeat unknowingly, and I felt, that I was, an unfitting mother.
And now, I can’t tell you, how I’d managed to, get out of the darkness, I can only say, that when your loved ones are faced with postpartum depressions, just show more cares and concerns, for the sense of fear that they can’t get out of; and the cases of success of how someone else had managed their postpartum difficulties well can turn into a source of pressure and stress, for the new mothers who felt that they’re, unable to change their current conditions.
I truly hope, that all the mothers with postpartum depression wakes up and out of the nightmares. And now, my primary goal is to, save up my energies, getting ready to, handle this, little demon who will, soon wake up from his sweet dreams, calling me, “Mama!”, smiling so sweetly at me.
And so, this, is the sort of trials that we women must deal with after we give birth, there’s the baby blues, and for some, the complications of our births, and, because we feel so helpless and so alone, because NONE of you, MEN can possibly know the chemical changes going on, inside of OUR bodies, and all you can do is to say: PUSH! PUSH! PUSH! Just ONE more time, “hon”, we’re almost there!!! What do you mean “we”, I am the one, enduring through the labor pains you MORON!!!
And, there’s the postpartum DEPRESSION that happens to some of us, that we still needed to cope with, along with the adjustments, adaptations, we must make, for our own psyches on, becoming mothers, and, we may also, have to return to work soon, so, add all of that up, what, do you get??? Exactly!