On parent-child interactions, translated…
I’d not gained the insight on the importance of the techniques used to communicate, until my youngest daughter started talking. At first, I’d felt, how come, of all of my youngest’s requests, I’d agreed to more, and rejected less; and when my son asked me for something, I’d grilled him more, and complied with his requests less?
Am I, really becoming, unfair? I’d observed for a bit, then, I was shocked, to discover, that my youngest’s ability to articulate was really amazing, for a child of her age, it’d made me, an adult who’s almost forty, who’d been out in the workforce for over a decade, pale by comparison.
I’d immediately explained to my two older sons, that mom is not playing favorites, it’s just, that my daughter is very good at using her words, and I’d hoped, that they could learn to use the ways that their youngest sister communicated, be gentler in speaking, but, they couldn’t quite understand it.
Until several days ago, we’d bought some ice cream from the wholesales place as desserts, before supper, my daughter took my hand, and asked gently, “Mom, I can’t have some ice cream now, can I?”, I’d replied to her gently, “Yes! We’re about to have dinner, wait until we finish our meals, then, you can have some ice cream, okay?”, I’d replied back to her gently, and, she’d nodded her head.
“Mom!” my eldest son hollered at me all of a sudden, asked, in a hesitating tone of voice, “I really want some ice cream now………” “What say you? Is it, okay?”, I’d, glared at him, he’d already known what my reply was, why did he need to ask it!
And then, it’s as if, my son finally found something amazing, “Mom, this is, what you mean by ‘method of communication’, isn’t it? No wonder you say that our youngest sister is very good with her lips.”
I guess, my eldest was, trying me, testing my reactions, perhaps? And, I can only use this opportunity, to educate him once again, yes, that, is how important to use the right methods to communicate.
After supper, I’d allowed my youngest daughter to go and scoop some ice cream. And, my eldest son asked again, “Mom, then, we can’t have any ice cream now, right?”
I’d looked at my eldest nodded, and I’d explained to him, “You’d both had some ice cream in the morning already, you shouldn’t have too much ice, plus, your youngest sister didn’t get her share of it in the morning either!”
And, my son flashed that sly smile, and, I’d recalled our conversation before the dinnertime, hmmmmmmmmmmmm, great, I’d been, tested, again. Oh well, so long as my sons change their methods of communications, and know, that I’m not really playing favorites, it’s enough.
And so, there is that separate but equal thing going on here, but, because every child IS an individual, with different temperaments, different preferences, so, you still CAN’T give all of your kids the exact same things, and call yourselves fair, because all of your kids are individuals, different from each other, with separate personalities, so, one set of rules does NOT apply to all, and here, you see the mother being tested by her sons, and, she’d effectively, resolved the situation, with her wisdoms.