Translated…
Before the age of thirty, I’d ended my life as a single, since, I’d entered into a new era, and I’d, missed my freedom from when I was still a single, no need to comply to my family’s schedules, just live my life, according to my schedules and my plans.
In the chaotic stage of when my child was still very young, I’d often wondered, how after he is older, I will be able to do whatever, can start on my long novel, can travel around the world, can become a city trekker, etc., etc., etc.………
And, in a blink of an eye, my child is, all grown, too fast, that it’d not give me enough time to prepare. One day, he’d told me, that he can now, sleep alone on his own, and that evening, he’d moved back, into his own bedroom. This was something, that I’d loved to see very much, as his bed buddy, my schedules were tied by him for multiple years; and often time, being afraid of the dark, he’d squeezed over to my side of the bed, causing me to have aches and pains all over, and I’d almost, fallen off the bed a couple of times too.
Waited until he is in middle school, he’d not needed me to pick him up and drop him off at school anymore, there goes, my role as a chauffeur. Then, he’d enjoyed scheduling his own spare time, and, for a couple of family outings, it’d become like we’re, forcing him to go along.
Since he’d entered into the second year of middle school, he’d gotten more cram sessions, sometimes, he’d not even had any supper at home, and fought for his rights to eat out with his classmates. And my role as the cook had become, easier still, and I’d now had to use my most well-cooked dishes, to entice him to stay at home every now and then.
In elementary school, I could still teach him his math problems, review over his Chinese assignments for him; after middle school, all of these courses had become, too foreign to me, and so, I can only, allow him, to learn the courses on his own.
My son is really growing up, old enough, to block the parents from his Facebook pages, so he won’t feel that I’m breathing down his neck. And so, I’d lost the opportunity, to read up on his FB pages.
Actually, didn’t I long for this day a long time? But, this day seemed to, happen too quickly for me, and I’d not gotten used to him, drifting away from me a little each and every single day, along with how much time away he’s spending from home now.
I’d not gotten around to writing my long novel, not traveled the world either, I’m still getting used to, this time that I have on my hands now, all to myself.
My son’s voice changed, and I’d still kept the memories of his childish voice in mind. Once, I’d wanted to put my arms around his shoulders as we walked, he’d pushed my arms off hard, I’d asked him, “Don’t teenagers like it?”, and, he’d given me, a firm, negative.
So, this, is what I must do, with all this time on my hands, feeling lazy, wandering around, aimlessly, remembering his childhood; sometimes, I’d started laughing about the things he’d done as a child, and I’d even flipped out his childhood photos, to accompany me too.
Awhile ago, I was still holding hands with him as we walked around, not long ago, I’d still waited for him outside the gates of his school. Not long ago, we’d trekked around these city streets together, walked around, hung out. Boy, am I, an infatuated mom or what?
My child’s grown up, I’d waited for so long for it, it seems, and it was like, it’d hit me, all of a sudden too, such contrasting feelings. All the extra time on my own, the house became, too silent, the time, marched on, so slowly, but, when my son gets home, it was, already very late, and, he’d, hid out in his room, with the air-conditioning on full-blast, I’d gone into his room, to have a few words, without a second, I’d gotten, kicked out.
My son didn’t turn bad, he’s’ just an adolescent, going through puberty, curiously and courageously, venturing, into the world, with his peers. As for me, I’d still needed, more time to make my adjustments, to contemplate on, how I’m supposed to, fill up this time on my own. I must understand, that between my endless strands of white, and my son’s never-ending pimples, at age forty-something, I’m starting, to get older now………
So, this, is the onset of your empty nest, huh? You knew it was coming, and, you believed that you’d prepared for it mentally, but, when it actually hit, it’d, caught you, off guard, this, is quite normal, because you can never fully prepare, for the day, that you realized, that your children are, growing up, and that they no longer needed you as much, and now, all you can do, is play that supporting role to your child, and trust, that you’d, taught him right.
