From everyday living here, translated…
After I’d jammed the door, I was shocked, to discover, that I got locked outside!
In the morning as I was slouching on the couch, reading the papers, my wife made an abrupt appearance, hollered out to me, “Don’t just stay in your chair all day, the lock on the backdoor needs fixing, go find someone to do it!”
In my house, I was nicknamed, “Chicken Ribs”, like an old couch that you can’t throw away, because it still hadn’t broken completely yet, and now was my chance, I can totally, elevate my status in the house, if I do this right. I’d said, in a relaxed tone of voice, “It’s just a stupid lock, no worries, I’ll fix it!”, my wife gave me the eye roll, then, went about her business.
After I ran out the door, I went, straight to the hardware shop, after the employee explained, I’d learned, that the type of lock is dependent on how thick the door is. How thick is my door? How the hell should I know! I’d, rushed home, to see. As I arrived at the door, I’d bumped into my wife who was on her way to shop for groceries, she’d asked, “Did you buy the lock?”, I’d coughed dryly, told her I’d forgotten my membership card, rushed inside, grabbed a ruler to measure, and I’d heard, “You dummy!”, from the back of my head.
Changing the locks, isn’t it just, tear down the old lock, replace a new one on, how hard could that be! But, working indoors, without the air-conditioning, in the heat of the summer, too unbearable. Take it off, take it all off, until I only have on, a sleeveless undergarment, and a loosely fitted pair of undershorts. First, put on the innermost part, then, fix up that door; I’d, walked outside, ready to put the handles on, all of a sudden, I’d, discovered a new thing, the lock of the new door has an extra padding. Can the door close or not? Without a thought, I’d, pushed that door, into the frame, and, “Bang!”, the door, slammed shut without trouble, and, I was, locked outside, in the fire escape alley. All of a sudden, I felt, a chill, from the soles of my feet, all the way, up to my head, the handle wasn’t installed on the outside yet, other than a screwdriver I was holding, all the other tools were, locked inside, and, nobody’s in the house.
This, is really bad! All I was wearing was, a pair of undershorts and a sleeveless undergarment, and all I could do, was wandered in my clothes, to the front door, this would truly give my neighbors a laugh, plus I didn’t have my keys, what? Am I going to be, doing that, walk of SHAME on my front door? Staying in the fire alleys, with a pair of loosely fitted undershorts, with a screwdriver in hand, an older guy, is he, a robber, a thief? If someone called it in, I would’ve totally gotten taken to the stations for questioning, perhaps, I would, get on the news too.
At which time, I became, really, flustered, started pushing the doors, but, it still just, wouldn’t budge at all. In the end, I’d taken up the screwdriver, and, banged it against the center of the lock, don’t know how much time had, passed, then, “click!”, the door, swung open. And, if you asked me how I’d opened it, I wouldn’t know! Who CARES! I’d rushed, inside the house, that, was when I realized, that my clothes were, drenched, in cold sweat. The actions of installing the locks, I’d done with great care, like how a hen sat on top of her egg, waiting for it to hatch, a short bit after I’d fixed everything, my wife was home, “I fixed it!”, I’d called out to her, “No big deal!”, but, inside, I was hollering, this sort of affairs, I shall, save it for the professionals!
And so, you got locked out of your place, in your UNDERPANTS, and, nobody was there, to watch you make a fool of yourself, but, you were still scared, and embarrassed about it, and the lesson to take home from all of this was: leave IT to the professionals, just because you are a guy, that doesn’t mean that you are handy!