On the education of the children, translated…
In the evenings on the weekend, my husband and I took my son out to supper. My son was really focused, in working on his food, we’d only needed to glance over and see his progress; there was, a couple sitting opposite to us, with a little girl, and she’s only a bit older than my son.
As we’re half way through eating, the man sitting opposite of us asked me, “How old is your son?”, I’d told him, “He’s three”, the couple was surprised, “a three-year-old who can sit and behave himself and eat? My daughter is five, and still need us to watch her as she eats!”, I’d smiled bashfully, told them, “He’s just really hungry!”, then, I had, warned my son, “Do NOT shame me later!”, as the couple heard, they’d started laughing.
Then, the mom turned to the daughter said, “Look at how well behaved the little boy is, you’re already FIVE, and still needed to be spoon fed”, the little girl started squiggling, “I don’t care, I just, want to play coy!”, and, as the mother grilled the young girl, she’d just kept saying, “I just wanted to play coy”.
I’d recalled when I’d invited my friends over to my house, my mother would often commend on how well behaved my friends are, then, in front of my friends, she’d talked down to me; back then, I felt so ashamed, which was when the seeds of my rebellions were sown too. I think, that must be how the little girl was feeling right at the moment, maybe she felt, that she’s no longer loved by her parents, that, was why she’d worked hard, playing coy with her parents.
Actually, that wasn’t the first time that someone commented on how well-behaved my son was at mealtime, most would react as the couple had, and, as I’d heard it, time and time again, I’d felt that it was, improper. Although the parents’ goals are to get the child to get better, but, in the ears of the child, it was interpreted differently—felt like their loved ones were criticizing, and hurting them instead.
In the minds of the young, the parents’ words weighed heavily. The children care a lot about how their parents see them, this stems from the love the children have toward the parents, at the same time, they’d wanted to have their parents’ love. But, once the parents started comparing someone else with her/him, then, there’s that contrast to this love; when the child is better than someone else, naturally, s/he would feel well and gloat even, but, if not, then, the child would start to worry, that the parents don’t love her/him as much anymore.
Some of the kids may feel that their ego are damaged, and, some of the children would even blame someone else, “Why you got to be better than I am!”
Whether your offspring is better or worse compared to another child, we’d all instilled that sense of winning and losing in them, and, the kids who are applauded more would become egotistical, and the kids who don’t get as much encouragements become more withdrawn. And so, if you love your child, do NOT compare her/him with anybody else.
So, this, is from a mother’s observations, and, because that little boy probably has a “prior” in bad records when he was eating, that, was why his mother said the things that she said, without realizing, that it may hurt her son’s pride, after all who likes to be compared to someone else? And, as an adult, how would YOU feel, if someone comes up to you and tell you, “HEY, you’re not as good as so-and-so”, would you NOT feel hurt? And, considering that this, is DONE TO a child, and, they’re a HELL of a LOT more sensitive than the ADULT population too!
Life, the Obstacle Course 