Using encouragements instead of blaming the child for not doing well in school to help her improve, translated…
My daughter had been the top five in her classes throughout her elementary school years, but, as she’d gone on to middle school, her grades dropped considerably, it’d impacted her so.
In elementary school, every time before her major exams, I’d printed the practice exams for her, and helped her find the key points in her text, and, I was the one, getting stressed out, more than she ever was. Once someone asked her why she’d done so well? She’d replied, “Because my mom would help me review, I don’t need to worry about anything.” And that, was the wakeup call to me, turns out, I was the one, using the wrong ways that she’d become, reliant on me for her studies.
As my daughter got into middle school, I’d decided to let go, told her the major rules of preparing for her examinations: take good notes, find the key points, read through the text before the lessons, reviewing afterwards, and, that she must redo the test questions she’d gotten wrong, etc., etc., etc., etc., she’d become somewhat panicked, and couldn’t manage it on her own. On her first sectional exam in her first year of middle school, my husband and I set up the standards for her, other than Chinese and Social Studies, the other subjects, she’d barely passed; we were very disappointed, and we’d scolded her, but, our daughter was feeling worse than we were, she’d hid out in the bathrooms, more than once, to cry.
Later on, we’d decided not to be so hard on her, after all, you can’t make straight-A’s all the time, and, so long as she gets back up from being beaten down. Now, we’d used encouragements instead of blames, to help her figure out which subjects she isn’t that good at. On the second sectional exams, she’d still not made that high a grade, but it was clear, that she was, improving; and, in our constant encouragements, she’d made more and more progress, and started studying on her own, found her self-confidence back again.
I believe, as parents, we must really learn when to let go; and grades really don’t mean that much after all. Don’t punish your children on the sake of “face”, give them more encouragements, and help them face their defeats, that, is the most important part of all of this.
And so, this, is the lessons learned by the parents here, from before, because the mother took care of EVERYTHING, helped her daughter study for her examinations, therefore, the child didn’t need to worry much over her examinations, but, after she’d gotten into middle school, the mother decided to let go abruptly, and the child just couldn’t handle it, after all, letting go is a step-by-step process, you can’t just let your kid go on her/his own, and expect the same results compared to when you were still holding on their hands, and that, was exactly what the mother had learned.
Life, the Obstacle Course 