Forgiveness is the Best Way Out

On the growth of a woman, translated…

My older brother-in-law grew up in a home with verbal and physical abuse, causing him to be troubled by depression for a very long time.  Maybe, you couldn’t choose what kind of families you were born in, but, what’s more heart aching was, that my brother-in-law was subconsciously repeating this vicious cycle, used his harsh words and actions, toward his own wife and three children.  He who rarely smiled, had caused this huge gap between him and his own children, he’d blamed the children for every move they’d made, and would hit his kids, which made his kids feared and hated him even more.

My older sister who’d had it hardest, got stuck, between her children and her husband, she had to deal with her husband’s harsh words and rash behaviors, and must face the children’s pains, and misunderstanding of their father’s actions, she chose to be forgiving toward him; my older sister told me, it’s for her own psychological wellbeing, for the sake of getting her kids to grow up completely, she’d not transferred the rash behaviors, the harsh words she’d received from her husband’s side of the family to her own young, and she didn’t use words like, “I’m doing this, all for you, kids’ sakes” to guilt-trip her children.  She’d used her actions, to help the kids understand where their father was coming from, and, although the kids still couldn’t completely understand why it is that their father had been so mean, but at least, they can now, watch calmly and deal with their father’s angers, and NOT repeating the mistakes from the last generations, and get sucked back into that vortex of hatred and emotional strain.

With a mom full of wisdom, a heart of forgiveness, and the willingness to give ALL of her love, the three kids became closer to their mom, and they’d gained a depth of understanding toward their father too.

The tolerance that my older sister gave to my brother-in-law, it wasn’t for the sake of him, but for herself, and she’d managed to help her loved ones find the best outlet for their emotions.

This, is how a woman CHOOSES to face her husband’s anger, she understood how her husband was raised, in a background, filled with violence, which led her to be more understanding, more tolerant of her husband’s anger and lashing out, and, she’d helped her kids understand where their father was coming from, why he was behaving the way he was, instead of finding excuses for the husband’s bad actions, to tell it to the kids.