Wen-Hwa Wang: What are Your Thoughts on Monogamy?
Xiao-Wei Zhong: Your questions are like landmines! Let me find a rebuttal from history. The history of “monogamy” isn’t at all that lengthy. The maternal societies of olden times is quite different from the relationships of man and woman today. A lot of the ancient greats must weather through a ton of weirdness. Like our ancestral mothers from the Shang or Chou Dynasties, one had swallowed the egg of a wild bird, the other stepped on the footprints of a giant on an outing, and that, was how they were pregnant! Even Confucius was the “fruit” of wilderness!
There’s the most colorful records of the Historical Accords on cheating/infidelity. The most amazing part about the writer, Chien Sima is in that: he’d not shown, and used his own words, to bring about revenge. You’re saying, that the Emperor was the “dragon’s seed”? Let me give you how one of the emperors in the Han Dynasty came about: “first, the mother in the turbulences of her life, dreamed about god, back then, thunders and lightning collided, the former emperor looked upward, and saw the dragon above…”, and the dragon was on top of his wife? The translation of this passage is that “back then, Madam Liu claimed that she was by the patches by the lake, daydreaming away, and, as Mr. Liu went to catch her having sex with another, the weather was awful, the thunder and the lightning came down hard, he only saw a man, with a ferocious dragon tattoo on top of his wife…”, this, this, this, isn’t how what catching someone in the act requires in today’s world?
But, if this is how the systems worked, t hen, there must be a reason behind it all. Humans, although called, the most spiritual being, but, from a biological angle, we’re just an alternative kind of ape. One female, one male, setting up a family, actually, this, would be the most secure way, of making sure that the next generations grow up, to pass the genes down. Other than humans, a lot of other animals are monogamous too! Like species of birds, the reasons, very simple: the nests without an adult watching is easily attacked, and the adults are always the one, hunting away for the food sources, so, they can’t possibly raise their young as single parents. (but, just like humans, they’d all found ways to have extramarital affairs as well, haha!), in history, there’s the ancient imperial rulings of monogamy, rather than it being morally responsible, it’s used in the dividing of assets, and the passing down of power.
The point is: as the forces behind what makes a system possible weakens, it’s also when the rules aren’t followed precisely. And, the speed to which the societies are evolving is always far ahead of the speed of the systems evolving. What we see now as the “messes of society”—the spares catching the men in the act of whoring around, the high rates of divorces, are all in support of how the values of monogamy, decreasing its influences on the world. The most important point here, is how the women are no longer compelled to reproduce—when I’d gotten a higher degree than you, know more than you, brings in the bigger dough than you, why the HELL would I be willing, to succumb to the demands of men? If all I wanted, was to pass my genes down to the next generations, why the hell must I have a man who gets old, fat, and lazy beside me, giving me a TON of troubles?
Wen-Hwa Wang: why did you put “the messes in society” in parenthesis? Who are you trying to insult?
And, why is it, that your understanding of monogamy related to animals? Like how animals are all doing it, so, we humans should comply with the rules as well.
And, you’d talked about the instincts of living organisms (having, and protecting the next generations) having more to do with economical issues (how as women became more and more economically capable, their needs for marriages reduced), it’s also reasonable, but, it still doesn’t offer the explanations for why it’s currently happening.
What I’m curious about, is what lies underneath this huge iceberg. The human brains, hearts, and souls, are all more complicated than other lower forms of living organisms, and surpasses the biological instincts and the drives of economy. And, if you consider all of these, is monogamy acts as driving force or a kind of a suppression to the brain, the heart, and the soul?
In the very end, we must ALL make our own separate choices. Loyalty, monogamy, to some, is the way to live, and it doesn’t take much to follow through, and this sort of people would be fitting for marriage. But, if you’re the kind that constantly searches for something better that comes along, then, don’t get married. Tragedies, are usually the results of how two people explained these core values differently, and hold different beliefs on the matter.
But, the hardest part is, that views DO change. Who, on the day of their wedding don’t want to be together ‘til the very end? But, one may meet someone new, or, a new and improved form of oneself, or the other person becomes someone new, and, one’s own thoughts changed.
Marriage is not easy at all, and one plus one, is actually, the HARDEST kind of mathematical problems to resolve.
So, from this, you can see, how whether or not a marriage is to last, is strictly depending on the two persons involved in the marriage, the man AND the woman, and, the “experts” here explained the issues through an evolutionary angle, as well as a moral standpoint too.