From the Front Page Sections, translated…
The well-known play “Hamlet” by Shakespeare had moved a lot of viewers, this prince was in constant struggle, and his beloved Ophelia too, was struggling, because her father is opposing to Hamlet. Life is a constant struggle, with difficult choices to make.
Today, the fathers are the ones, facing with the endless number of struggles from day to day, NOT the prince, or Ophelia, but the endless number of fathers of teenagers. Toward their young, should they be strict, or lenient? To discipline more, or to trust more? To order, or to communicate? Do we want the kids to go on a smooth sailing passage to life, or, do we let go, and allow them to pursue their own dreams? Do we expect our kids to behave, or, should we consider what the kids are saying to us? We are all, Hamlets, in conflict.
I don’t have any answers, only the experiences. And, I give my methods for you all, to review:
Everybody told us to communicate more with the kids, I told my child, “If you ever want to talk, I will make the time for you. If you don’t want to talk, then, I’ll be doing my own things.” I’m willing to put up the time to help my kids complete what they wanted me to help them with, but they must ask me. They’re adolescents, and shouldn’t be hard for them to just ask!
As we’d started communicating, I’d told my children, “Your answers may not necessarily be the answers, and I don’t have the correct answers either, let’s find out what the answer is together.” Providing the books, the information, and the files is the most apparent ways, they’re willing to read up, I am as well, to allow the answers provided to us by those who came before.
As we’d talked, he’d started telling me how his friends see it, and how our generations thought, and, my point of view is this: “You have friends, so do I, we must show one another supports, to not be shamed in front of both our friends”. There was a lifetime friend of my father’s—my mother, with her standpoint. I’d advise my child to be more practical, to listen, to talk back less, to avoid an altercation. As he’d done things that stressed me out or said some things that aren’t fitting to my liking, I’d tell myself, “Adolescents are forceful, with great horsepower, but not enough brake, I must avoid hitting them head on.” When they’d behaved rashly from a day to day basis, they will learn their lessons the hard way, I really have nothing to worry about.
And, as they decided to move away from the family, even stated, “I want to get as far away as I possibly can from you!”, and other hurtful words. I’d replied with this honesty, “You want to leave me, that’s great! But, whenever you need me, I will be close by, to show you the support.”, that way, they could still stay true to themselves, and not do something that’s too awful.
In Taiwan, the kids in puberty are all strained. As their fathers, we’d have it hard too, if not harder. So, I’d clarified, “You’re tired, so am I, let’s work hard, to make things easier for us both.”, don’t drag each other down, love, is a choice, no need to force it, not need to impose, no need to care too much, not to worry as much, don’t try to change the other person in an instant. Love, wait for each other more, allowing more space between you two, a little more freedom to yourselves.
The tragic of Hamlet stems from “caring too much” I suppose, cared too much about avenging his own father’s death. And, Ofelia’s tragedy was also, caring too much as well, she cared too much about Hamlet.
As fathers, care less, less strains on ourselves, at least, that’ll help us reduce the tragedies a bit, or, at least, it wouldn’t be strenuous on ourselves, I suppose.
And so, this, is an advice to ALL fathers out there, to JUST let go of your kids, they’re allowed to decide how they want to live their lives, and, if they get burned along the way, so what? At least then, they would have the firsthand experience of what NOT to do, so, it’s okay, if your kids make their mistakes, but, that still doesn’t mean, that you should just STOP caring for your young, fathers!
Life, the Obstacle Course 