A Q&A, translated…
Q: My child who’s under a ton of stresses started to fight back…
Madam C’s father-in-law cared very much over her son’s scholastic performance, either that he’d blamed him for not doing well enough on his examinations afterwards, or he’d predicted how poorly he would do, or that he’d blamed his grandson for watching too much television, causing him to perform so poorly on the exams. After the sectional examinations are over, the father-in-law would also check into the other students who are more studious, and see how they did, this sort of behavior had caused Madam C’s son to feel hurt, and he’d often complained to her about it.
Madam C believed, that she’d done all she could in instructing her own son, she’d accompanied her son each and every night as he’d worked on his homework assignments, sat beside him as he practiced piano too, perhaps, it’s how her father-in-law pushes too hard, and the child is now, becoming more rebellious toward it all, C started doubting: could it be, that my son isn’t really at all that bright? Or, are there any other problems? If her father-in-law could level off on her son, could the situation improve? And, she and her son would no longer feel so much anxieties?
A My Advice
Every child is an unique entity, with one’s own good qualities and shortcomings. Some of the children had a smooth ride in their studies, but, there are also the good qualities in the children that needed encouragements to bring them all out. All I can say, is that encouragements work a whole lot better than insults or being hard on the child.
On the matter of studying well, there is also the issue of the learning environment not working along with the learning styles and processes. A friend who’s married to someone from another country, before seventh grade, their child studies in Taiwan, and made bad grades all the way, and, as the child returned back to the U.S., his grades started flying forward, it was amazing, and, could this be the learning environment that’s made all the difference? I’d also seen that someone, from before ninth grade, made the top score in the schools, and, as he’d entered into the gifted and talented classes in high school, everything crumbled down.
In the process of growing up, the child needs a ton of affirmations, encouragements, rules and guidance from the adults, so they could grow up healthy. And yet, too many adults are putting their own expectations of themselves when they were younger onto their young, and the young won’t be able to handle it; as for the grades, leave it to the parents of the children to worry about.
And so, we have here, a STRICTLY traditional grandfather, who believed, that making good grades IS everything in the world, that there ARE no OTHER qualities, skills, to take into consideration, and, in this process, the child gets pushed and shoved, and chances will be, that this kid will get lost in the tramples, because his grandfather failed to find out what is more important!