Can We Really Go Back to the Way We Were After We Get Back Together?

Translated…

Q: LS, who was betrayed by her husband, causing her to lose ALL of her self-confidence…

Married for five, six years, with two children, but, her husband had an affair, and the other woman talked trash to her, being forced, OUT of her own marriage, LS wrote me, about the feelings of unsettlement in her mind.  After her divorce, she took her two children to live alone, but, a few months ago, her husband, who is a professional serviceman called her up, told her to move back in with her son, and, they’d registered for marriage again.  And still, she couldn’t forget the bad events leading up to the previous divorce, believed, that they can’t EVER go back to the level of intimacy that they once shared, she feared, that they can’t go back to the way they once were.

LS and her husband, after becoming husband and wife once more, she’d worked hard, to keep the family together, wanted to get everything to the way it once was; on the other hand, she’d lost her self-confidence completely, whenever her husband not paid any attention to her, or if there’s something going on, she’d started, walking on eggshells again, kept complaining to her husband.  She wanted to get everything back to the way it once was, and not understand, that all of this, needs time and change, instead of holding persistent to the thought of “so long as my husband is kind to me, I’ll be more than willing to give it all”/

Toward LS’s complaints, her husband is distressed as well, he saw his wife’s unsettlement and change, although, he’d wanted things to return to the way they once were, but he feared facing LS and their two children, and could only numb himself by working and sleeping.  He doesn’t know how they will keep going in this marriage together, as a betrayer, he felt agitated too.

A My Advice

The husband showed remorse for asking L and her son back after he’d had an affair, wanted to start over again.  Although the fault rests with the husband, but because LS wanted and was willing to come back to him, then, she should still, build a good home environment, an amicable atmosphere for her husband, so they would not need to constantly point fingers at one another, and get closer together, that, was the real step that the husband wanted to get down from, and it’s also, a brand new start, for her, to trust in him again.  I suggest, that LS stop acting the way she’s acting, otherwise, it will, end, very bad for her.

And so, from this, you CAN see, how hard it is, to reestablish the trust that was already lost back, the woman wanted to trust her husband, but, she felt really unsettled, after all, he DID have a previous “record” for having an affair, and, if the wife doesn’t learn to trust herself (b/c it’s still called transference???), this marriage won’t get fixed completely.