Getting Over the Loss of the Death of My Husband’s Suicide, on the Growth of a Woman

Being the wife of someone diagnosed with depression, translated…

Since last year my husband committed suicide, my life got turned upside down to, I’d started crying, with NO reasons at all, mind was filled with negative thoughts, and couldn’t find my zest to do anything at all, felt lethargic all day long, and, became an insomniac in the nights.

After I’d gone to a psychiatrist, placed myself in psychotherapy, I’d still needed to take sleeping pills to help me sleep; and yet, as I closed my eyes, the nightmares came, thinking about how my husband killed himself, because his job wasn’t going well, leaving behind my aging mother-in-law, and three kids who are still in school, my heart became wrenched.

My eighty-year-old mom especially moved in with me, accompanied me to the psychiatrist’s office, watched over me, and asked my friends and families to accompany me, but, it still didn’t help me feel better.  Then, I fell ill, it was, just a minor cold, but, it’d tortured me for six months, I had, lost my voice to speak; from the internals, to the ENT specialist, from western meds to eastern, the doctors flew right by, and, don’t know how much medication I’d had, until I had, finally gotten better.

My child who studies in another city told me, that feeling sorrows won’t do anything, that I’m keeping dad’s spirits with me; my mother also complained of how I worried her so, how my happiness IS her happiness.  My aunt in Taipei told me, to look forward, to not just think about the past; endless number of friends also gave me encouragements, I’m truly grateful, for their being there, to give me a boost.

Without experiencing pains, humans will NEVER gain an understanding of life, although I still couldn’t completely walk out of the glooms yet, but I could not let myself, bask in my own miseries forever, I’d forced myself, to come back out, to face everything that this life has planned for me.

And so, this, must be stressful, losing one’s own spouse, and, on top of that, you had to get yourselves better, but, you can’t hurry healing, and, with the world, ranting, telling you, to NOT feel so sad all the time, and ALL you want to do, is just LOCK the world outside, and this just shows, how hard healing is!