Her Eldest Sister Who’d Died Young Was a Victim of Rape

On living with the guilt of a loved one being raped, a Q&A, translated…

Q: My Mother’s Deep, Dark Secret

I received an aging woman’s letter, said that her mother is already ninety-three years old, bedridden for long, knowing that she’s about to die, but, there was, that secret she’d kept, for a very long time, for seventy years, she’d never told anybody else because she was so very, afraid.  And because of the news of the young female writer’s suicide, it’d, triggered her past experiences, and, all the angers, resentments, overflowed her, and she’d felt compelled, to tell it all to her children, so they will, help right what had happened with her children’s eldest sister.

Back then, the elderly woman’s eldest sister followed her coach to out of county to compete in a sporting event, was raped by a predatory coachb  The coach was usually quite tough in training, and, how was a fifteen-year-old weakly adolescent girl supposed to fight him off?  The very next day she came home, she’d cried and told her mother what happened.  This mother who is forceful after hearing, became extremely furious!  Although she was very forceful, never admitted to defeat, but from sixty years ago, the society had, demanded absolute chastity toward women, and, as a woman gets raped by a man, the woman was always at fault, and, they don’t have a place to get justice.

The elderly woman didn’t even have the stature to confront the predatory coach, didn’t even dare make a scene, can only beat on her own daughter, call her bad names, to release her own anxieties from her daughter being raped, she’d even blurted out, “You should be so ashamed that you should die!”  And, on that very night, the daughter killed herself, leaving her mother with never-ending torture, pain, guilt, and regrets.

A My Advice:

Toward this, other than feeling the grief, I have, NO other opinions.  It’d been seventy years since, and that elderly mother of over ninety, that huge wound inside of her, became like a volcano, ready, to erupt, filled with angers, resentment, and I can only hope, that as the elderly passes away, her anger and resentment can, die with her.  And I wish, that justice will finally prevail, generation, by generation in our world.

So, this elderly woman is guilt-ridden, for causing her own daughter to commit suicide, and that, was her primary issue, and, she reacted the only way she knew how, after all, back during the era, people are used to blaming the victims, and, these sorts of things are hush-hush, it’s just, that it must’ve been trying, for the elderly woman, to carry the facts of what happened to her daughter all this way, and, maybe, had she shown a little MORE support to her own daughter, she may NOT have killed herself, who knows???

Posted in Assaults/Rapes, Causes of Death, Death in the Family, Deaths, Facts, Opinions, Properties of Life, Ranting About Life, the Consequences of Life, The Trials of Life, Untimely Deaths | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Slowing Down the Rate of Deterioration, Chatting with Her, Doing Things with Her

Translated…

My mother-in-law is eighty-five, with a quick temper, she’d always been physically healthy.  But starting last year, she’d started repeatedly, asking the same questions, and I knew that she didn’t mean to, because she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.

And now, talking to her, she had troubles hearing, and, everything we’d told her, she’d forgotten the very next second, she couldn’t stay focused either; things that she’d put down, she’d forgotten where she’d left them.  Sometimes she was halfway through making the meals, she’d left the stoves, with the gas turned on.  And, when we’d told her that she’s starting to show signs of Alzheimer’s, she’d gotten angry, and rebutted, “you’re lying!”

In order to slow down the progressions of her dementia, we’d needed to create opportunities for her to train her mind, like those things she used to know how to do but can’t now, we’d stayed by her side, showing her how it’s done, giving her the tools she’d needed, so she can recall how she’d, done those chores from before.

You can’t just sit still and stare into space, you’d needed to have someone close by accompanying, to talk to her more often, to make her recall the past, to encourage her to tell us about her younger years, to help her accomplish the tasks, to work on the tasks together, this, is NOT abuse, it’s to help slow down the progression of her dementia.

So, that, is what this family comes up with, to help the elderly woman slow down the progressions of her dementia, and, the writer is absolutely correct on how we need to get the demented elderly more involved in doing things, even if it’s something simple as picking out the vegetables, washing the vegetables, we should MAKE the elders follow along in the chores, to keep them active!

Posted in Aging Well, Beliefs, Dementia & Other Issues of the Elderly Years, Experiences of Life, Lessons of Life, Overcoming Obstacles in Life, Philosophies of Life, Positives of Life, Properties of Life, Values of Life | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Dealing with the Stresses of Caretaking, Take a Breath of Relief First

It’s really not easy, for the loved ones to adapt, especially in the beginning stages of dementia, translated…

My mother got angry again, over something that’s so minute.  Seeing how her face became twisted with her negative emotions, where, did my originally kind, gentle and mild-tempered mother go?  I’d, held down my temper, and worked hard, to reassure her again and again.

My mother didn’t get examined, and so, we don’t know how progressed her dementia had become, a lot of things that’s just happened, she’d become uncertain of, and couldn’t connect the events together, it’d troubled her so.  I’d sat there with her, and she’d stared into space, telling me, “I think something’s not right!”, then, I knew, that her mind is, tied up in knots, that she’d begun, doubting herself again.  Without enough wisdom or compassion, no matter how deeply connected you are with your elderly parents, the patience can get destroyed in a matter of few short minutes.

In knowing how love is slowly disappearing, I chose to run away, I’d needed to take a breath, after I’d blamed myself, introspected, and recharged, to return back to my gentle and mild temperament, and be a good and fitting daughter, to my own mother.  In dealing with my ninety-three-year-old mother who is slowly becoming more and more demented, I’d become, trapped in this vicious cycle, but I’d reminded myself, to take advantage of the now that my mother can remember.

So, this is at the very beginning stages, when dementia had caught the loved ones off-guard, and, it isn’t easy to make sense of why the elders are doing what they were doing, behaving the ways that they were behaving, and, this individual had found a way, to relieve herself from the situations, by stepping away for a short while, to soothe her own emotions, then, she gets back into actions, dealing with her mother’s conditions.

Posted in Dementia & Other Issues of the Elderly Years, Experiences of Life, Family Relations, Lessons of Life, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Ranting About Life, the Ins & Outs of the World, The Passages in Life, The Trials of Life, Values of Life | Tagged | Leave a comment

Grandma, Thank You for Still Remembering Me

How much of a influence his demented grandmother has on him, translated…

It’s, as if I can still hear that familiar voice, from the depth of my memories.

“Han-Xiang, did you go to work like you were supposed to?”

“When are you getting married?”

“Grandma, I already married!  Your great grandson is already six years old, you’d seen him so many times already!”

Yes, that, was the conversation I have with my grandmother.

My parents were divorced since I was younger, I was, raised by my grandmother, being the only eldest grandson of the family, my grandmother held highered expectations toward me, it’s just, that growing up, I was, very rebellious, entered into the prison systems time and time again too, but grandma had, never given up on me.  Even as she’d become demented, slowly immobilized, slowly forgotten about everybody and everything around her, even my older sister, she’d still remembered me, and, my aunt would push her on her wheelchairs to come visit me in jail.

As the classmates from prison were celebrating the New Years, I was overcome with the news of my grandmother’s death.  Grandma’s raising me up, her expectations for me, even as she’d forgotten all else, she’d still, remembered me, and, all I could do to repay her, was that offering of one incense on her shrine.

And now, I’d, fouled up again, I’d felt the aches during Mother’s Day.  Will the memories be gone?  Perhaps!  But I believe, that as love progresses, it becomes, eternity, just as my grandmother, like how much I missed her, grandma, I miss you so!

So, this, is how a man’s life was changed, by the love his grandmother carried for him, and even as the women became demented, she’d still recalled him, and hopefully, this would be enough, to help this young man turn over a new leaf, and after he’s done serving his time in prison, and after he’s released, he will start honoring his own grandmother’s memories by doing the right things in life.

Posted in Dementia & Other Issues of the Elderly Years, Experiences of Life, Family Relations, Lessons of Life, Positives of Life, Properties of Life, the Consequences of Life, the Process of Life, Things that Came Too Late in Life, Values of Life | Leave a comment

The World, Broken…

The world is, broken, just look around at the assortments of disfigured landscapes caused by those so-called “natural” disasters, which may not even be anything NEAR natural to begin with!

the immediate effect of polluted water, photo from online…

The world, broken, and, it’s still not an overnight sort of process, it’d been, happening, since a long, long, long, long time ago, it’s only that, we’re, currently, experiencing the effects of this world being broken by man (human, that is!)…

The world, broken, how, can we fix it, before we’re hit, by another nature’s disasters (which probably won’t even BE caused by any natural “forces”)?  How can we, bring ourselves to become, more aware of our environments, and, am I, enough, to make a change, to make this world a better place to live in???pollution here, NOT my photo…

The world, broken, it is, what it is, broken, but it’s still, not yet, beyond repair!  If we all do our parts, in protecting the environment, keep our hands to ourselves (meaning, don’t take THAT from him/her!!!), just make sure we behaved ourselves, then, maybe, just maybe, there’s still some hope, for this world to heal back up yet…………

 

 

Posted in Alternative Perspectives, Beliefs, Experiences of Life, Lessons of Life, Loss, Philosophies of Life, Ranting About Life, the Consequences of Life, the Ins & Outs of the World, The Trials of Life, Things that Came Too Late in Life, Values of Life | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

He’d Strangled Her to Death, Then Accompanied Her Boy for Eight Hours, and Told the Police They’d Planned to Commit Suicide Together Because They Were in Love

Yeah, uh, how WELL do you think that worked out for you, loser, huh???  From the Front Page Sections, translated…

something like this was what he’d attempted to commit suicide with???  Photo from online…

The man, Peng from Kaohsiung three days ago was suspected of luring and murdering his ex-girlfriend, Hu, after accompanying her corpse for eight hours, he’d suspected of being guilt ridden and tried drinking pesticides to commit suicide, but, he’d called up a friend for help, and lied to the police, how he and his ex were committing suicide because of love; but the coroner’s examinations of her body showed clear strangulation markings on Hu’s neck, and after the police inquired more, he’d told them, that he was displeased at how his girlfriend with whom he’d broken up with just last month already took up with someone else.  Peng is in the hospital getting treated, with police guarding by his side.

The city police department’s Jen-Wu Substation investigated that Peng (age 53) works in a paper mill, Hu (age 47) is a single mother, raising her two children up on her own.  The two of them started dating back in February, but broken up last month; Peng called her up, using the excuse of discussing the debts not yet settled between them to lure her to his residence in Ren-Wu District.

Peng claimed, that that very night, Hu had, stayed over, the very next morning at around nine, Peng was suspected of strangling his ex to death with a rope in his bed, until five in the early evening of that day, he’d started taking pesticides to kill himself too, but because he was in pain, he’d called Yang, his friend for help, Yang immediately called the police afterwards.

So you have this COWARD, who’d murdered his ex-girlfriend, because she found someone better than him, and, after his FAILED suicide attempt, because how painful it was, swallowing the pesticides, he’d called up his friend for help, and this still shows, how bad it turned, as a LOSER refused to let go, while the woman had, already, moved on from him!!!

 

Posted in Love & Murder, Mishaps in Life, Ranting About Life, Reasons for Murder, the Consequences of Life, The Trials of Life | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

The D.A. Took Pity on His Losing His Young Daughter Due to Neglect, the Man in His Sixties Wasn’t Charged

This showed, how the interpreters of the law can show their humane sides, and not just followed the rules down to the “t”, from the Newspapers, translated…

A month ago, a three-year-old girl in Luodong, Yilan was left home alone by her father, she’d climbed out onto the lanai, and accidentally fell, and she died, the police charged the father of the child, Chang on neglect, sent him to the D.A.’s Office; the Yilan D.A.’s Office believed that Chang was clearly neglectful, but seeing how he’d lost his own daughter, was in regrets, they’d made the rare decisions, of not pursuing him any further.

The sixty-year-old Chang worked odds and ends, his wife being a foreign bride, worked in the small noodle stands.  In 2014, he had a daughter, cherished her very much, she was, the apple of his eyes, but now, he’s impacted, with her tragic death.

On May 19th this year, Chang was originally looking after his young daughter at home, and at lunch he’d gone out to buy food, called his wife home to look after their daughter, then, headed out, but, the daughter climbed up onto the lanai, and, fell to the sunscreens on the fourth floors.  The young girl suffered contusions on her chest and abdomen, died of traumatic shock.

The police stated, Chang and his wife didn’t communicate well, Chang thought his wife was going home to look after their daughter, and left the house, then, the tragic death of his own young daughter happened.

The police charged him with involuntary manslaughter, and, the D.A.’s Offices in Yilan believed, that Chang left home at the time of the accident, didn’t realize, that leaving his own young daughter at home wasn’t right, causing her to fell to her death, that his behaviors constituted as death by negligence, but, in the end, they’d, decided, to NOT pursue him.

The Yilan District Attorney’s Office took into account that Chang had NO criminal priors, and the Head of the D.A. overseeing the case believed, that it wouldn’t be right, charging him, and although he was, neglectful, but, they took into considerations how the man lost his young daughter, they’d concluded in not indicting him.  “Losing his young will impact him more so than any form of punishment that he receives”, this was, the most severe form of punishment for him (Chang).

And so, another young child, DIED due to how careless the caretaker was, this man should have been watching his young daughter closely, because, as you may already have figured it out: kids will do things that will hurt themselves, when you, STUPID adults aren’t watching, remember how that kid had, HUNG himself with the strings of the blinds or drapes, yeah, and that also occurred, when the caretaker wasn’t looking too, and, although this case was very tragic, but, I’m still more than positive, that this won’t be, the LAST of THAT dying breed!!!

Posted in Accidental Deaths, Causes of Death, Death by Neglect, Death in the Family, Experiences of Life, Lessons of Life, Loss, Properties of Life, the Consequences of Life, Things that Came Too Late in Life | Tagged , | Leave a comment