Men Also Need Confidants

Because they FAILED to establish that connection from earlier, that is why, they all became, more isolated after they retired, observations, translated…

The restaurant phoned my husband, to confirm the menu, I’d curiously inquired on what sort of a gathering it was? He said, “an old colleague had, asked me out.” After my husband retired, he’d opened up a scrivener office, although he’d often discussed the procedures with his clients, he was, also involved in the morning swimming crew and the Tai-chi club, but, he got along best, with his coworkers of twenty-five years.

After that gathering he’d come home, he’d described the interesting things he’d heard there, then, mentioned how his former coworkers had, asked him out to the sauna pools of Guguan. He said, that from before, they’d asked him out too, but, he’d, turned them down, I’d, encouraged him, to get reconnected with his former coworkers.

Seeing how actively my husband was interacting with his former coworkers, I’d recalled my father, who’d, lived like a lone wolf. The few years before he passed, I’d visited home, saw he took up that newspaper and read very closely, I’d asked, “are the newspapers really that interesting?” He’d smiled bitterly, “I have too much time on my hands, I’d read through all the wanted ads”. “You can go find some friends to chit chat.” But he’d told me, that after he’d moved, he got too busy at work, and had, disconnected, with the few little friends that he had from before.

male friendships, like this???  查看來源圖片photo from online…

One evening, my father called me and complained, “You’re mother nagged me a total of twenty-one times today!”, I knew my mother minded that he’d loaned his hard earned money to a very persuasive man in the business, and not long thereafter, the man took the money my father loaned him, and disappeared, and, every time my mother thought about it, she’d always, grilled him for it. And I could only console with my father, “If she starts to nag, just go out for a walk.” But, my mother’s connecting regularly with the ladies in the neighborhood, had made my father feared, contacting the neighbors to chit chat.

I saw a Japanese soap, “The Taste of Pacific Saury”, the middle aged high school classmates at a reunion, showed care and concerns toward one another, and how they’d, made fun of each other, gotten along very well. Later I’d come to know, that this was, Japanese men’s way, of socializing with other men, but, because men in Taiwan followed the calls of “Dad needs to come home for supper after work”, after they’d left the office, most had, returned to the families.

this, is what shold be “established” beforehand…photo from online…查看來源圖片

Later I’d observed something odd, there were, a lot of middle age women, who’d, gathered at restaurants, and on the busses or the MRTs I saw group of middle age women going out, how about the middle age men in Taiwan? Where, did they go to hide? Are their families, the only ones left, with whom they can, interact with?

No matter what era you’re from, there would be time when you feel most vulnerable, so, I’d, encouraged my husband who’s already middle aged, that when he couldn’t tell thing to me, he should, open up his heart, and, pour it out to his same sex best friends!

And so, this, is how isolated men became, after they retired, because they FAILED to keep up with connections from their earlier years, and so, they’d become, isolated at old age, when their wives start going out with their friends, they get, STUCK at home, talking to the walls, because they FAILED to socialize themselves when they still had the opportunities to!

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Posted in Alternative Perspectives, Beliefs, Connections, Cost of Living, Philosophies of Life, Real Stories from All Around, Retirement, Socialization, Socialization, Staying Active During the Elderly Years, Stories from the Mind, Values of Life | Tagged | Leave a comment

Little Raindrop, on the Effects of the Literary Movement

The bigger picture is the revolution of language, and on the smaller, it’s how these texts are easily understood, by children who are only beginning to start school, translated…

A few days ago, my daughter sent me the text of my first-grade grandson’s reciting a text out of his textbook for us. Ahhh, he’d only, begun recognizing the characters, and can already recite them so very well!

The text was a short poem “Little Raindrop”:

“The Little Raindrop Loved to Sing/Drip, Drip, Drip/Grandpa Thunder Heard it/Rumble, Rumble, Rumble, Played the Drums to the Beats of His Songs/the Little Raindrop Loved Dancing/Grandma Lightning Saw/Zap, Zap, Zap/Setting Up the Lights/Little Raindrop Arrived into the Mountains/Drip~Drop~Drip~Drop/He’d Gotten Happier, Dancing Along Now/The Little Raindrop Traveled Across the Oceans/Splash, Splash, Splash/He’d, Sung Even Louder Now”

He’s only in the first grade, and already had such wonderful poem to read, suck a blessed and lucky child he is.

It’s the different eras now, thinking back to my own first-grade text, everything is so straight up and very, concrete, plus there’s the illustrations, not allowing any room for education at all, for instance, “the peach blossoms, red, the plum blossoms, white”, with the two fruit trees, with the two colored flowers as illustration; “The Little White Dog Chasing the Ball, the Ball Ran, the Dog Chased After it”, the first illustration was a white puppy, squatting, biting down a white ball, the second, the puppy, chasing the ball that’s, gotten away from it.

查看來源圖片the illustration from the textbook here, found online…

“Come, come, come, come to school, go, go, go, go study”, two scenes, first, a few children, with backpacks on, entering the schools, another, the students sat at their desks, studying; “the skies are darkened, the wind raged, dad’s gone out to fish, why isn’t he home yet?”, the illustration had darkened skies, with the rains, falling into the oceans, where there was, a fishing boat.

Now, as I’d heard “the Little Raindrop”, although it’s written in every day language, but, as the poet paved the way, each word, each line, gives off vivid imageries, leading the children to discover, the “greatness” of the words, and get the children to learn to love to read. Unlike how it wasn’t until after I was in high school, when I’d come into contact with “Essays by Famous Writers”, then, I’d developed this love for reading, I’d started too late.

From when we were younger, the raindrops, the thunder, the lightning, were like our old friends, something that’s, too ordinary to us, but, I could’ve, never imagined, how they can, become so lively, through the words, not only was my grandson having tons of fun reciting, I too, started loving this poem out of his textbook as well!

And so, this, is all in part of the movement started in 1910, making the texts easily understood, compared to the formerly written texts, using traditional Chinese way of speaking, and there are pros, AND cons of this, but, in the earlier schooling years, this would probably be a good building block, because as students grow older, they will start learning the ancient texts, and, if you can’t even get the plain languages, how can you come to understand the more complex ancient texts later on as you entered into a higher level of education?

Posted in Education, Experiences of Life, Lessons of Life, Properties of Life, Reforms in Education, Stories from the Mind, the Learning Process, the Process of Life, Trending Now | Tagged | Leave a comment

Can’t Say Someones Name in Tip-of-the-Tongue, Dementia, or Aphasia?

A preliminary sign of dementia, or, are we just, too overly worried here??? From the papers, translated…

A short while ago, started talking with a couple of my friends in their sixties, mentioned how in April, we’d all gone to Japan to see the wisteria bloom, and immediately, that purple red colored sight floated back up to mind, but I can’t, recall the name of that garden instantly. My friend mentioned the first word, “Adachi~~”, I’d immediately finished, “Adachiku Gardens”. Then, everybody started sharing, on how they couldn’t say the things they wanted to say, that got stuck, at the tips of their tongues, and sighed on it as an adverse effect of aging, and worried, if that were, signs for pre-dementia.

This sort of a phenomena that we knew what we’re talking of, and, recall what we wanted to say clear in our minds, and the words were, about, to roll off our tongues, but, we just, can’t call them aloud, and if at this time, someone started it for us, then, we would be able to, blurt it out; or maybe, in a few minutes, even to a few days, we were, hit that lightbulb, finally lighting up, are called tip-of-the-tongue experiences.

It’s not rare, not limited to the various languages, countries, and can happen across all age groups, it’s just, with the coming of age, some would experience this at least once every week, and may find it hard, to call the name of terms we don’t use often. Maybe it’s because of how the brain is aging, the center for meaning of words and the verbalization skills’ neural networking became weakened.

The tips-of-the-tongue syndrome is only on how you couldn’t call out the names of people, places, countries, but if you couldn’t even name the tables, the chairs, the watches, the more ordinary nouns, then, you may consider being scanned for “aphasia”.

Aphasia is a language disorder, due to damages of the front lobe, with two specific types: expressive (couldn’t say the words), and the receiving (couldn’t comprehend what was being said to you), and normally, they’d existed together, and both has the symptoms of not being able to call out the names of people, places, things. The least severe form is on how someone couldn’t say the names of things, and the primary difference between this and the tips-of-the-tongue syndrome is that the patient may have difficulties, calling the names of things they use ordinarily. For instance, the patient may not be able to say the word “Watch”, but knew how to describe the functions “something that’s used to tell time”, or pointing at one’s own watch.

And, is this tip-of-the-tongue syndrome a preset for dementia?

Dementia is of the deterioration of memories in short-term memories and conditional memories (memories toward certain things), a thesis from “Psychological Science” journal from the University of Virginia tested 718 participants ages 18 to 99 on the conditional memories and the tips-of-the-tongues syndrome, and found that there’s no clear relationship between the tips of the tongue syndrome, aging, and conditional memories, showing, that it’s not a sign of developing dementia.

And yet, the tips-of-the-tongue syndromes can be found in Alzheimer’s Disease frontal epilepsies, along with other neurological disorders, but due to the other more apparent symptoms, the tips-of-the-tongue is usually, disregarded.

Although there’s no need to worry over the tips-of-the-tongue syndromes, but it’s still annoying, can it be, avoided?

Studies showed, that when the subject is being watched closely, or having attention paid to her/him, maybe due to the nervousness, the tips-of-the-tongue syndromes would occur more often, so you need to set up a healthy habit of living, and other than being fully prepared before a speech or an important meeting, a good night’s sleep is a must, then, you’d be filled with self-confidence, more relaxed, and thus, not be prone to have the tip-of-the-tongue problems.

An article from Birmingham University, England’s “Scientific Report” published in April, 2018 tested 28 elderly averaged at age 70, in the labs, were exposed to the maximum amount of oxygen, then, tested on sixty nouns and the frequency of occurrences of tips-of-the-tongue, they’d found a negative correlations of the two, meaning that if the individual was fitter, s/he would have less occurrences of tips-of-the-tongue. Although there’s no cause and effect in the study, but it’s enough to lead the researchers to believe, that exercising regularly, can help reduce the frequencies of tips-of-the-tongue.

And so, the point is, staying fit in the body, is very important, to help your mind stay active, because everything is linked together, if you’re not well emotionally, then, physically, it would show, just as if you’re not physically well, then, you will show the emotional distresses, so, staying healthy is not just in the bodies, but the mind as well!

Posted in Dementia & Other Issues of the Elderly Years, Facts, Opinions, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, the Consequences of Life, the Process of Life, Theories vs. Applications | Tagged | Leave a comment

“Divorces After Deaths”, Challenging the Meanings of Families in Japan

The new “trend”, internationally…from the Front Page Sections, translated…

“Divorce after Death.” In recent years, I’d seen this phrase on the Japanese news media many times.

Divorce after death, is entirely different than divorce, what is divorced was the relational ties with the husband’s family. Based off of the Japanese civil laws, the relatives’ relationships would be terminated at the time of divorce. As a party dies, the party who’s still alive have the right to execute it. The divorce needed to be agreed upon by both parties, but the divorce after death, there’s only the need for the verification of the living individual being who s/he is and the household registration of the person who’d died, sending it in to the government unit, filing the forms of “Termination of Marital Relations”, then, it’s done.

The papers can be file, anytime AFTER the spouse passed away, the individual need not to get the okay from anybody else, the individual can choose to sever off the relational ties with the relatives of her/his spouse. And the families have no right to reject, nor would they receive a notice on this.

This wasn’t a new rule, but, almost nobody in Japan knows about it, in recent years, due to media discussions, it’d gained fame, there were 1,832 individual who’d filed for this, in 2015, the number increased to 2,783, and in 2016, to 4,032. Women took up the majority of the requests.

The divorce after death actually didn’t offer much concrete benefits, and even if the papers weren’t filed, legally, there’s no need for the one who’s still alive, to take care of the parents of the spouse, nor would the individual have the right to inherit the assets that belonged to the parents of the spouse, so, why did the applicants increase by number by the year?

Mostly, who’d gone to the attorney’s offices to file the parents were women in their sixties, and seventies. Reasons for filing the papers are mostly related to how the elderly women didn’t get along with the in-laws, didn’t want to take care of the family lot, or care for the relatives, hoped that they can be freed, of the obligations of marriage.

Although the Japanese laws already done away with the father’s being the patriarch of the households, but the eldest son inherits everything, taking care of the separate households, and as women married, they’d become, members of their husbands’ families, and the beliefs of these women, needing to give all they are able to to their husband’s families is, deeply rooted, and this duty became even more burdensome after the spouses died.

The various generations had a difference of opinions on the interactions of the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and it’d, impacted the marital relationships along with the family systems, but, it’s not at all easy, to end a marriage in Japan. In the older eras, the families views divorces as a failed life, most of the enterprises used their employees’ marital status as a marker of how good a worker they are, those who couldn’t keep their families, must have some shortcomings in their abilities. Up until now, as Japan enters into the final year of the current emperor’s time, the survey done by Yahoo! Japan at the start of April on the views of divorce, still showed that 68-percent of the online community being against it.

And so, the younger generations of Japanese became, even MORE hesitant toward entering into marriage, and, not many years from here, there would be the era of the populous unwed people in Japan; and the death after divorce seemed to be, the last declaration of independence for the last generation of Japanese women.

When more and more wanted to become independent from the systems of the family, how is “family” being defined, what is the system of “family” trying to uphold? Would Taiwan have a need, for the divorces after death too?

And so, this idea, is more symbolically, than it is, practically, because the person you’re married to is already dead, and, your ties with her/his family should’ve ended, at the moment of the individual’s death, right? But, in eastern cultures, there’s that rule of thumb of filial piety that we are forced to upkeep, and, that is why this became a debatable issue here. But this would be considered, the step toward independence for Japanese women, I suppose…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Beliefs, Experiences of Life, Facts, Lessons of Life, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, The Passages in Life, Trending Now, Values of Life | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

The Batteries in the Remote

A woman, who’s, completely CLUELESS of how the world operates, and maybe, it’s due to her simplemindedness from where she grew up, who knows??? Translated…

My parents’ home in Penghu was a two-story mansion, and because of how good the environment was, we’d rarely shut the doors when we’re at home, and naturally, I’d not known about something called “remote control for the gates”; until I’d married off to Kaohsiung, my husband and his family lived in the apartments, and, as we’d rode out on the scooters, in and out of the basement garage, we’d needed to pass through the roll-down gates, and that was when I’d, started learning to use it.

And, the remote controls for the gates became, something I’d gotten used to taking with me when I go out, but one day after work, as I’d pressed down on the buttons, nothing happened to the gates!

batteries going dead in the remote 的圖片結果replacing the batteries when it stopped working…photo from online, that should be, COMMON sense, but apparently, N-O-T everybody knows it…

I’d waited for my husband to come home, and told him about it, he’d thought about it awhile, then told me, “perhaps, the batteries needed to be replaced?”

“But, aren’t the batteries inside the remotes supposed to last forever?”, I’d asked him.

My husband patted my head, told me, with this seriousness, “Forever Batteries is the brand of the batteries, not all the batteries last forever, okay?”

Ahhhhhhhhhh, so that, was what it was, now it all, made sense.

Either that this woman LACKED the common sense, that batteries in use eventually get drained and need to be replaced, or that she is an IDIOT when it comes to her daily life, or maybe, because she grew up in a home where everybody sleeps with the doors unlocked and opened, because it’s very peaceful there, that she’s having troubles, adapting to the city life, who knows???

Posted in Adult Children, Between a Man& a Woman, Cost of Living, Experiences of Life, Facts, Properties of Life, Ranting About Life, Socialization, the Process of Life, Values of Life | Leave a comment

Don’t Call Us “Foreign Brides” Anymore

Because even though they weren’t originated from here, they still deserved our respects!!! Translated…

For all of friends over age thirty, you may all have the memories of the few weird and “magical” T.V. stations toward the back of the channel numbers, “Taiwan Arts” “Hwa-Wei”, “Ou-Peng” etc., etc., etc., during the daytime, the regular programming in Mandarin would be broadcasted, but in the depth of the nights, these few channels became adult entertainment channels, with the hotties dancing almost nude, splashing water on each other, playing games, and other than the 0204 adult telephone entertainment services numbers as ads, the most eye-catching are those with the foreign brides for “marriage”.

These commercials found some exotic-looking ladies, some dressed up as girls next door, others, in their bikinis, the women started, flirting with the screens, with the captions of “finding love in China”, “Relationship with a Vietnamese Woman”, followed by a long series of digits of phone numbers. On those lonely nights, heaven can only know, how many lonely bachelors had, phoned in, trying to find the chances of them, being married.

But, think on it, if you want to find a bride using this measure, it’d cost money, as the agencies would charge the males huge sums of money for the match made, then, fly the men who are interested to China, Vietnam, Indonesia, and other Southeast Asian nations, to find the younger generations of women who hold their fantasies of marrying away from their home countries, and if they’d, clicked, then in a short couple of the days, the weddings are, done, as the men returned back, they have their wives by their sides. And, because the fees the men had paid for the matchmaking services will be forwarded partially to the families of the women they marry, and, there would be the gossips of how these women were “brides, bought from foreign lands”.

Based off of views, this sort of monetary trade for a marriage is a ticking time bomb, and there are, many instances where the husband and wife didn’t get along afterwards, and ended up divorced. Plus the media had, shown all the news on marriage as a false front, to sell for sex here in Taiwan, it’d caused the descriptions of “foreign brides” to have that negative tone to them, and the status of “foreign bride” became, equal to discrimination.

Gladly, back in 2009, the government here already banned this sort of a matchmaking forum, returning the basic forms of marriage back to what it was, but the long-term stereotype, made the members of the public discriminate the foreign women who married to Taiwan as “foreign brides”, whether it be intentional, it’d troubled a lot of these women.

And because of this, some decade ago, the scholars urged the usage of “foreign born spouses”, “newly migrated”, “new Taiwanese”, to take the place of “foreign brides”, like the book, by Professor Xiao-Juan Hsia that was written in 2005, “Don’t call me foreign bride anymore”, was made into a film by director, Hsiu-Shen Liang into “Don’t Call Me Foreign Bride Anymore”, both hoped to alter the society’s perceptions, to help the public accept the migrated ladies who’d set up their new roots in Taiwan.

And how would the ladies who had come from abroad to live view the term, “foreign bride”? One of the sisters simply believed, “as people talked of ‘brides’, they think of younger women, but we’d been married over here for a decade, two decades already, and became, ‘old ladies’, and they’d still called us ‘foreign brides’, it’s, kinda funny!”

Learn to respect another culture, stop referring to people from that culture using stereotypical terms, let the term, “foreign wedded brides”, get washed away by the waves of histories now.

And, we were, referring to these women who’d married over from foreign places so naturally that we’d not realized that that was, discrimination, and these women are having a hard time, finding their equal places in this society as is, and yet, by calling them “foreign brides”, we are actually, unknowingly, discriminating against them, maybe we think it is a term of endearment, but it really, isn’t!

Posted in Cost of Living, Facts, Opinions, Racism/Discriminations/Stereotypes, Real Stories from All Around, Social Welfare, Socialization, Stories from the Mind, the Consequences of Life, Values of Life, Wayward Values | Tagged | Leave a comment

In the Time I Grew Up, Unknowingly…

Things that were, lost, through time, including our childhood innocence, translated…

Without preparations,

Life had begun

In the time I grew up, unknowingly

I’d, passed through that age of innocence, hidden, and unknowingly

a TON of magical things entered in and out of my mind, leaving behind the chaos, the lack of clarity

These moments of encounter, made me believe that there are spaces and times, existing, simultaneously

that we can head straight in, by using our imaginations

So, this, is the importance of how we should NEVER lose our sense of wonder, of imaginations, even as we grow up, but, things keep on getting lost, through time, as we get older, there are, more responsibilities we are, forced to shoulder, and, all of that takes away from the time we took to dream as young children…

Posted in Beliefs, Cost of Living, Experiences of Life, Innocence Lost, Lessons of Life, Loss, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Stories from the Mind, the Consequences of Life, The Passages in Life, the Process of Aging, the Process of Life, Things Left Behind, Values of Life | Leave a comment